Stock Market Terms
Financial market humor
Date: 9/24/2009 2:03:43 AM ( 12 y ) ... viewed 2015 times
New Stock Market Terms
CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET: a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER: What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor suc*** for $240 per share.
WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you're the suc*** who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT: an archaic word no longer in use.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines
one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG
one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers
one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer
one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan
is to drink heavily & recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg.
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