Blog: Son of Truth of Self
by Chef JeM

Impeccable Communication and Authentic Connection - The First Foundation For Genuine Community!

Knowing our Human Designs and our inner needs will support us in having impeccable communications, greater understanding and connection with one another.

Date:   1/17/2010 3:23:41 AM   ( 11 y ) ... viewed 1594 times

The following is a "Needs Inventory" put out by the Center for Nonviolent Communication" ...
that is intended to help "... support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people."

You can find it at:

to know and be known
to see and be seen
to understand and be understood

sexual expression




celebration of life
to matter


Now I want to look at what it takes to have needs met. Virtually all of the needs that are listed in the category on "Connection" appear to me to be dependent upon communication. Some of these needs are specific kinds of communication, that is a certain kind of communication that is intended to meet a specific need. Some of the needs listed are met following certain communications concerning those needs. The rest of the needs are supported and/or enhanced with communication. One way or another communication is required!

I see "authenticity, integrity and presence" in the
Honesty category as communication dependent as well. Therefore Honesty is communication dependent! One of the Four Agreements is to Be Impeccable With Your Word! Doing that meets a lot of needs!

The need for "communication" is listed in the Connection list and from the perspective I have in looking at this now it is obvious to me that communication deserves to be ranked as high as can be in the inventory of needs. If communication is not high up on your list of needs then you may want to reconsider that in light of what I am highlighting here.

I have written elsewhere on how the need for community is completely dependent upon communication as it's foundation. Groups that talk about being a "community" need to be able to confront conditions where communication suffers on account of avoidance, evasion, denial, being overly restricted, etc. Depending on the extent of the conditions, they may indicate that true community has not been realized in the group. People may still say they have a certain kind of relationship with another or others, i.e. that there are some kind of spiritual connections, that they are "family" or have family-like feelings, etc, but just naming or "wanting" those kinds of relationships does not equate to community.

I grew up in a family with serve restrictions imposed on my freedom to communicate within that context. I agreed to virtually all the restrictions but it was under tremendous duress and to the degree that I now realize resulted in some banishment of my consciousness. (It is amazing to me that I have been in a life-long recovery from those conditions ever since!) On the outside the family appeared to be a "real" family but within the family the many needs for communication were not well met. I experienced and witnessed a lot of suffering as a result! eve

Almost two years ago I made a move with the primary intention of living in community and being closer to some family. I am living in a household where at least a few others have expressed some interest for being a community here. In the midst of my move into the household I traveled to my folks to support my father through his second heart surgery procedure - over a 50-day visit. I returned to where I have been living eve since. I then actively supported monthly house meetings. There was just enough agreement and barely enough cooperation for a significant "clean up" to happen here (that has been referred to as a "miracle"). It was really more of a shifting-over than a "clean up" as we are still dealing with what was shifted-out two years later! Since this movement the house meetings virtually stopped. I imagine people needed to rest after the major "dump" that took place. It might be likened unto a powerful colonic that moved a whole bunch of crap out of the bowels of the house and now we still have to clean up that stuff that got dumped into the garden! No wonder some of my other house mates complain! Yet it still was a movement that was overdue and it had to happen!

But it is now two years later and maybe at least a third of what was "dumped" in the garden is still there! Most all of it belongs to one house mate. This is only one situation that indicates how communications here do not exist as a solid foundation upon which we can build true community! The housemates (that have complained about the loss of the garden because of what is sitting in it now) appear to have disassociated themselves from the need for all of us to come together and confront the situation.

Little of anything can be built without communication! For me full Community living requires a true devotion to communication with everyone! In my observations it is obvious to me that not everyone where I live has that kind of devotion! There is a certain "will" that is needed for that and where I live the will appears weak or non-existent. In Human Design terms there are some of us without consistent will power as can be indicated with a "Defined Heart Center". That only emphasizes the need to come together so that those with consistent will power (indicated by a "Defined Heart Center") can fill that gap. By including "the Human Design factor" the vision of authentic community can have a functional reference.

I have been delving into the state of communications at home for over two years! I looked into having a teacher give an into and possible bi-monthly support classes. My spirit is not into making that happen now. It is enough for me to continue with my own "Four Agreements" and following my "Inner Authority" (according to "Human Design"). I have updated this blog in early March, under Saturn Retrograde that was a time for major review rather than starting anything new. Now, December 6, 2010 we are in the pre-shadow of mercury retrograde which can be another review time and especially for communications!

I am re-reading "The Different Drum" Scott Peck's book on community making and peace. On page 83 he says "The words 'communicate' and 'community', although verb and noun, come form the same root. The principals of good communication are the basic principals of community-building. ..." I became inspired with "Communicate as if your community depends on it; because it does!"

Back to the "Needs Inventory" - it is intended to help "... support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people."

As I said before, when I look at this inventory of needs and readily admit how much I welcome my own self-discovery plus that all important understanding and connection with others here where I live I see my great need for communication and community in a household where a number of the people appear to be not available for me to really share that! It seems that going out into the world to earn a living is a major consideration here. Most of the people here essentially do that to the greater extent. The ones that do that virtually full-time then come home seeking to rest, to relax, to recharge and possibly to have a good time. They come home to eat, sleep and often go out to do it again the next day or so. When they come back home they are not necessarily asking to confront problems (even if they are responsible for creating some of the problem). In writing this now I can see that there is a need for people to disconnect, disengage with others in certain ways and that is perfectly understandable to me! Those who go out to earn their living are paying the lion's share of the rent here and that is the real foundation of this place! Anything beyond that is a kind of gravy. (However I wish I could make gravy here!)

Thanks to this Inventory I know myself better and I have some better understanding of others. I believe that truth-telling communications between people is essential to make connections with others. I find myself in deeper appreciation of others as they reveal their inner truths to me. If the availability and/or willingness to reveal what is true within ourselves to one another then what is there to connect us? Today (3-8-10) I am grateful that I see some willingness & availability for truth telling with a couple housemates!

The "Speaking Listening Understanding" (by Heinz Zimmermann) chapter on "Union in Conversation" the author writes: "When a communion of souls is experienced in common insight, a true experience of community is created."

I see an organic development that begins with real communication whereby the participants can find their common union together (that I consider to be real connection (like two gates of a defined channel in Human Design)) that can include a real communion of their souls! That development can further illustrate how communication is the foundation of community. It also can help illustrate how communication is life!

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