Blog: Son of Truth of Self
by Chef JeM

A Code For Communication = A Code For Truth, Love & Life!

Blog devoted to "The Four Agreements"

Date:   10/23/2010 7:48:46 PM   ( 11 y ) ... viewed 2421 times

Based on my search for "the four agreements"+"son of truth" I see that I've made a number of reference to these Four Agreements over the last five years or so and I'm surprised that apparently I have yet to dedicate at least one entire blog to The Four Agreements. Now's the time to start that!

The Four Agreements was written by Don Miguel Ruiz and published in 1997. He presents these agreements as a code for life. Here is his summary of that code:

The First Agreement:

"Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love."

The Second Agreement:

"Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering."

The Third Agreement:

"Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life."

The Fourth Agreement:

"Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."


I was inspired to identify the publishing date of The Four Agreements book while writing to a friend and referring to it. I reported having an encounter with my friend's granddaughter that served me as a kind wake-up call to my unconscious assumptions about meeting her. I am so very grateful that I am able to discover things like "unconscious assumptions" within myself and learn from these things! So when I reported to my friend that her granddaughter appeared "unresponsive" to me I later was able to share how experiencing that was "okay" for me as I was able to remember my four agreements (starting with the third one for this experience).

Now in my revisiting this summary (above) I am all the more appreciating what it says! For instance consider this part in the summary of the first agreement: "Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love." That alone is in my estimation a cornerstone in this "code for life"! For a number of years I had already identified and aligned myself with the axiom: "Communication equals life". This code identifies the need to have a certain intention in communication and that is that your communication be "in the direction of truth and love". I believe that by having this intention one can be guided in their communications with others. I have experienced this directly for myself. When I am intending to communicate with love and truth and in the direction of greater love and truth I feel I am invoking the power of that greater love and truth into and through me and my communication. Up till now it has been very easy to summarize the first agreement simply as "Be impeccable with your word" however the dimension of "intention" must be included as well!

"Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love". It is now clear to me that this line expresses the right intention that is required for one to have true impeccability with their word. I am all grateful to be reviewing this now! Prior to this review I was working with the easier summary and not realizing how short that was! I intend to refer to the first agreement as: "Be impeccable with your word - Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love." That right use of your word can create inner peace for you and help bring more peace into the world.

In the Second Agreement what stands out for me now about the summary is "When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering." That "immunity" is the basis for a healthy psychological life. (My newest house mate spoke of "healthy communications" when I shared an introduction with him on Dyads, Relating Exercises and/or Communication Exercises this afternoon.) The immunity against what others say and do is built upon the first agreement. The more impeccable you can be with your word in your communications with others the stronger your immunity will be in response to their words and actions. That is so because of the intention of love and truth that is behind your words. It is a scientific fact that love strengthens and builds up. There is an expression that "love suffers" and that expression probably needs to be examined for the truth of what that refers to. In any case the second agreement talks of "needless suffering" and that indicates it can be rightly avoided. You can spare yourself from needless suffering by first knowing the truth within this code, starting with knowing that others speak out of a projection of their own "reality" and their own "dream" which was created out of their own conditioning.

Just discovered this piece on 12-17-10:

"After my client and I agree that 'not taking anything personally' will be one of their coaching goals, I often ask them to read the book The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. He explains that nothing others do to us is because of us; in fact, it is because of them. He even says that taking things personally is the maximum expression of selfishness because we are making the assumption that it is about us. And that when we honor the agreement of not taking anything personally, we will suffer less. You might want to read it yourself – interestingly enough, this book is required reading for some high schools."[1]

I had a sister who was raised virtually in the same family of origin as me. I say it is "virtually in the same family" because of the fact that I was the first born and lived my life out of that awareness of the family whereas she was the second born, a girl with her own life, as well as karma, destiny plus her own awareness of her place in the family. Our parents where the same parents but could not help but to treat the children differently (whether that was conscious or unconscious). Therefore the conditioning and it's impact varied with each of the (four) children. Although I have considerable awareness, understanding, healing, etc. regarding my conditioning, I can no longer assume that I really know the full extent of how the conditioning was for my sister. Although the outer facts of our family of origin may appear to be referring to one and the same thing, because of the differences in family birth order, human design, karma, destiny (and other things that I have talked about in these blogs) the actual, individual conditioning is reasonably certain to have been different for each of the children.

For instance - if we were to look at conditioning just from a Human Design perspective, we would find plenty of clear, specific indications of different conditioning. The differences may be so great that if a clinical assessment where done using three different people who "blindly" interviewed the three remaining children and then described the family based only on the perceptions of the one child they interviewed, I believe the three descriptions could appear to be three different families. Hence my term "virtually the same family of origin". By allowing for the differences in perception and especially, in this context, a difference in "realities" and / or "dreams" I can let go of all assumptions about another (in this example my sister).

What stands out for me now about The Third Agreement is "Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama." This part of the summary refers back (in principal) to the first agreement (about the importance of your word) and also substantiates my suggestion that the benefits of the second agreement are a kind of fruit that can result from the first agreement.

December 31st, 2015 -

Inspired to review the third chapter: "The Second Agreement - Don't Take Anything Personally" with the question: "Why do people take things personally?

The first consideration is faulty beliefs that an individual has about their self.

Second stated cause is making "the assumption that every thing is about 'me'."

Thirdly - 'we make the assumption that (others) know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world."

I chuckled when I wrote this last one! I know someone who has tried really hard to impose his world on eight other "worlds" who are doing their best just to coexist!

January 1, 2016 - Happy New Year!

Cont. with my review of Chapter Three. -
The gift of the second agreement - not taking anything personally is immunity in the midst of "hell".

Don Miguel goes on to say that our mind talks to itself - don't take any of that personally as well!

I will add a fourth causative consideration as to why people take things personally - misplaced trust in others.

January 5, 2017 -

There also a "Fifth Agreement": "Be Skeptical. But Learn To Listen."[2]

I see this agreement as the "creme de la creme" of the Four Agreements. It clearly embodies the 2nd, 3rd and 4th plus it "expands" the 1st whereby it could be said: Be Impeccable With Your Listening. For me the "diamond" in the 5th is to be open to dialoguing with others about the truth as they see it. Now I see practicing this "diamond way" through the next generation of dyad communications that I want to develop as triads. The kind of triad that I have in mind is essentially a dyad that is witnessed and validated by a third individual.

August 20, 2017 -

All five agreements are most highly recommended for all personal relationships. The challenges in relationships can be viewed from the perspective of these five agreements. Take for example the challenges as general described by Omraam as follows:

"So many people are devastated because they feel they have been betrayed. They exclaim repeatedly, ‘But how is it possible? He promised me… She gave me her word…’ It is true, they were promised a great deal, that they would not be abandoned, that they would always be loved, helped and supported and they believed what they were told. But they should not have been so gullible![3] Most men and women, like children, make promises that they genuinely believe they can keep. When they give their word they are sincere and are convinced they will do what they say. But they do not know themselves, they do not know how weak, unstable and fickle they are and, when the time comes, they lose their nerve or forget. This is normal, and you must know in advance that this is always possible. If you never want to be disappointed, try to be sensible. Never ask human beings to do something that may be beyond their capacity because, even with the best intentions in the world, they may not be able to live up to your expectations."[4][5]

November 4, 2017 -

Barbara Marx Hubbard (and associate/s) presents "52 Codes".[6] I wondered whether these codes were related to the 64 Gene Keys. Reading these codes and searching the Gene Keys for correspondences has opened a new door for me that I am sincerely grateful for. The "52 Codes" are about incarnating our Higher "Universal" Self. In Gene Keys terms that includes 64 kinds of genius. Barbara speaks of genius as well.

Don Miguel speaks of the direction of Love and Truth. I see this "Love" in light of "Universal Love" (the name of the 25th Gene Key Siddhi that happens to be located in the Self Center with a keynote of "Direction" for that center). "Truth" is the 63rd Gene Key Siddhi. The 25th Gene Key is part of a Codon Ring called The Ring of Humanity" with an additional five Gene Keys plus the "Programming partner" of the 46th gives a total of seven Gene Keys for "Love". The 63rd is in "The Ring of Divinity" with a total of five Gene Keys for "Truth". Grand total: twelve Gene Keys for "Love and Truth". This is part of why I blog this here as I find there are correlations between all the codes and identifying these expands their significance.

Also value several key aspects in the introduction to the "52 Codes" that I can see could be included in the "Golden Path" of the Gene Keys.



Oct 4, 2015 Linked this blog to Cheeta Blog:

[3] This relates to the Second, Third, and Fifth Agreements.

[4] This is a great line: "Never ask human beings to do something that may be beyond their capacity" and knowing another's "capacity" can be greatly supported by knowing the individual's Human Design.




the four agreements, code for life, Be impeccable with your word, power of your word, truth, love, Don’t take anything personally, needless suffering, Don’t make assumptions, Communication, agreements, Always do your best, intention, family of origin, human design, dyad, Be Skeptical

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