Blog: Juice Fasting 2011
by redfizz

Days 14 & 15

Having an emotionally tough day.

Date:   2/3/2011 7:59:22 AM   ( 11 y ) ... viewed 1173 times

I have been frustrated with the lack of weight loss, the moodiness, the lack of food.  I miss the experience of food, but I am not hungry.  I need to find a way to move. Yoga may be the answer.  I am supposed to be 125.  I get so frustrated, because when I exercise, it doesn't work. When I fast, it doesn't work.  I feel like a failure when it comes to my wieght.  My mom is ~350lbs.  My grandmother is ~300lbs. 

I was raised on sugar, sodas, french toasts, pop tarts.  Whenever I got in trouble growing up and was mad at my dad, he would force me to eat a pop tart as a peace offering.  Even if I couldn't breath from the - well - snot from crying so much and having a mouth full of the food that he was forcing me to eat didn't matter to him.  So long as I "accepted" it and ate it, that was a symbol that I was accepting him even if he was forcing me to eat it. 

Therefore, I have such a love/hate relationship with food.  I hate it for the negative association that my dad gave me: food is the only way to say I am sorry or to comfort.  I hate it since my mom was so depressed while I was growing up and fed me that crap when I was a child - and didn't know better - since she wasn't the only one who was going to be fat.  (Her mother did the same thing to her.)  But I love it since I broke the addictions during the first 40-day fast, and now I enjoy the flavors and sensations.  I just have such a hard time eating a moderate amount.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons I needed to do this. I needed to face this.  To deal with this.  To work through it.  *sigh*

BMI: 23.86%
Weight: 139.8lbs

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Comments (1 of 1):
Re: Day 10 miatay76 11 y
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Blog Entries (12 of 14):
Days 14 & 15  11 y
Day 13  11 y
Day 12  11 y
Day 11  11 y
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