What do I do next?
What do I do next?,
Date: 5/29/2014 9:57:50 AM ( 9 y ) ... viewed 706 times
What do I do next?
7:37 AM May 29, 2014
What do I do next? Maybe a redesign of myself is needed.
I'm not handling stress well. I have discomfort in my lower back in the kidney area.
One of the biggest stresses the last four months has been having a vacancy at the house. I manage what feels like the lives of seven other people to various degrees.
A vacancy means an imbalance between income and expenses that can only go on for so long.
I went to Pacific College of Oriental medicine clinic yesterday. Warren was pointing out how I'm a classic yin deficient person. I need more explanation.
I have created a very complicated life.
For years I was able to do many activities. Some of them, the majority of them seemed outside the house. I have felt like a servant to humanity.
I overcame my physical limitations and health challenges because of my commitment to make this world a more beautiful place.
I have been a very willful person putting great demands on my body.
Something started to change numbers of years ago. I became aware that I was using more energy then was naturally mine.
What 7:48 AM
I just breathe deeply as I was feeling the first shooting of expanded pains through my back area.
This is something new.
I've been watching the discomfort levels in my low back that felt similar to a condition of kidney stone that had to be removed last summer.
I also had teeth problems with shooting pain and nerve involvement going into my jaw area.
This ended it's very disheartening experience of going to number Dentists who would not do a root canal or crown.
They could not open my mouth wide enough to do a root canal. They sent me to an oral surgeon who extracted a molar.
They identified an infection. I had to take antibiotics. This was also very stress producing. I did not do well taking the antibiotics there's a certain regiment you are meant to follow. I did not understand the regimen and stop taking the antibiotics. I was concerned and I harmed myself by stopping to soon.
What is the meaning of the shooting pains I just experienced? What am I being asked to do now. This morning when I got out of bed I was a bit dizzy. I went to the bathroom and then came back to bed to write.
My body is definitely speaking. It appears to want to be lead me now in the direction that may be different than what my mind would like.
I have been hitting my head against the wall for months with the vacancy issue. The number of core issues that have surfaced have been many. It clearly made me feel that I was not suited for this job of being the house manager any longer.
The last two days I've started walking around the neighborhood more.
Yesterday morning I did something that I rarely do. I got up and walked early in the morning right after blogging. I'm profoundly stressed with the sense of wasting time. This morning I woke up very early and had thoughts in my head for hours. By the time I first looked at the clock on my iPhone it was just 6:50. This is so very strange leading this different life. He years past I would have been up following inspiration.
Spent many many hours at the computer blogging. I developed a formula of writing out various ideas and then having sponsors who supported the work and the causes that I was doing. This year I received some funding from sponsors again, but I I have not been able to do the work.
I'm still in the window of opportunity where I can complete the paperwork to go to the national heirloom expo in September to teach. The question is what will my body allow me to do?
Do I have enough time to get to the bottom of this kidney discomfort? Last summer from June 22 to the end of July, I was in bed a lot taking various Western medicine drugs and dealing with a kidney stone removal procedure. I was very much hoping to avoid a similar kidney stone experience this year. I finally got an appointment with The kidney stone doctor. Frustratingly, the insurance I now have did not allow him to do all the tests that he wanted to do. They were not authorized. Oh my God.
The only way I could get in to get an X Ray on my kidneys now is go to the emergency.
I had an Iris reading and consultation with Dr. Ellen Tart Jensen a few mornings ago. I had a shopping spree yesterday. I bought many of the herbs she recommended. The laundry list of knowing what was wrong with me from a natural perspective affected me in a negative way. I have a very restricted diet that I follow but hearing all the things that were wrong with me made me go on a food binge. I ate some foods that would hurt the Candida she pointed out that I had in my system. I have been restricting myself from my normal sources of protein that I would eat including lamb. The kidney doctor was able to identify that my calcium levels are very high. He said this was because I had been eating too much red meat.
So where am I now?
This morning I felt I had no purpose. I feel a bit better now blogging.
I'm glad I can speak into my iPhone lying in bed. This would be a breakthrough if I end up having another kidney stone procedure.
I have two very good new housemates coming to fill that vacancy. The first is coming for seven weeks and then most delightful grad student.
What to do next?
Maybe some of the funding should be put aside for next year based on the idea that I will recover after I learn to pay attention to my body.
Somehow I need to surrender to having less pressure in my life now and doing the things to give my body an opportunity to feel better.
The house will continue to give me stressors. I need to manage the stressors better. I'm sure my sponsors will work with me. I'm sure they'll understand
I would like to believe that here in the clutter my room are important contributions that could help others and also returned to me sense of purpose. Patricia is coming for seven weeks. She is a professional organizer. I need to trust this timing.
I need to trust life.
Rekindling of Faith was a book that I wrote during similar health In the 80s.M aybe that's one e-book I can put out to help others.
I had a important contribution I made at the national Heirloom Expo last year. Jere Gettle, the founder of Baker Creek said he would put it out a couple seed packets with my work.
I want to believe that I can recover my health. The difficult part is learning the lessons I need to know to do that.
on the phone with Kay from Dr. Bidair's office, the Kidney stone specialist.
Looking for a time to get an ultra sound….19th of June seems to far off. I am having these pains.
I am also feeling depressed now about health impact on going to National Heirloom Expo.
I wanted to go up and go to the Kroc Center to use the pool….
I am cleaning up a few things.
I would like to go to the FM later.
KROC CENTER THERAPY POOL
$19 a month…
or $18.00 a month…
WHY DEPRESSED ABOUT THIS?
The therapy pool is used by people who are disabled or elderly.
It brings up feeling disabled.
I have avoided feeling disabled by doing super human activities and because of my intentionality.
I am not sure I can maintain my super human activities at 66. My intentionality is low now.
It would be good for me to be in that warm water.
I want to go down there….today, register, and use the therapy pool.
Today is May 29, 2014
I want to go walk too.
What time is the Therapy pool open at the Kroc Center?
Check online now
DR. BIDAIR APOINTMENTS
12 on June 5th for Ultra Sound--
3:15 to get results….
on Tuesday, June 10th...
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