It's been a while
Funny how you think you have everything planne out and then life throws you a detour. You can fight it...or you can go with the flow and learn and grow....
Date: 6/10/2005 2:32:53 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 2386 times
Yup it's been quite a while since I've posted here, but it's been hell for the last four months. I could not even begin to explain what I've been through- but I guess what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? ...easier said than done.
So the accupuncture didn't work- I spent about $1500 on it for nothing!!! I hate feeling so low. If you would have asked me a year and a half ago where I would be now, never ever would I have thought that I would be battling an extreme physical/mental illness and suicidal depression. I've never ever been depressed in my life until I got epstein barr. This is where my hell began.
Well I guess it began with battling bulimia and after four years of it my immune system was extremely low...and THEN I got epstein barr. So I ran 8 miles a day to make up for the weight gain from the refeeding syndrome of recovering from the bulimia while I had mononucleosis....STUPID...I know, but I cared too much about my appearance and what people thought of me so ran myself to death...running about 50 miles a week. I got infection after infection and was so tired but forced myself to run, go to work, go to class, and study study study!!! I am a pre-med major...but I got so sick a year ago that I couldnt get out of bed. I was so depressed all I could do was cry. And then one day I was driving and BAM! out of nowhere I got a pain in my heart...like I was going to have a heart attack!! My vision became blurry and everything around me slowed down...."am I dying....is THIS it???" I thought, but I was ok and ended up driving home. Went to the doctors and they told me that I was having a panic attack...but the pains still happen to this day! Little did I know that it was the epstein barr attacking my heart. Then a few days later I woke up with migranes and this foggy drunk feeling in my brain that it still with me 12 months later. Everyday I have felt like I am on methamphetamines---and it's torture. I have done everything to rid this virus from my body and brain...and I'm starting to get pissed and hopeless. Some days I feel like I just want to leave this earth and be ridded of this disease, but then I realize that I have been given this disease for a reason.... I have always wanted to be a doctor and help people...once I beat this disease I will be able to help others who suffer like I do.
So this is what I am doing right now to get this epstein barr out of my system:
-All raw, vegetarian diet (since november of 2004)
-Rife frequencies for epstein barr (so far have had 9 sessions, 3 per week)
-Taking supplements from Standard process (livaplex, cataplex b)
-Taking adrenal herbs
-Taking royal jelly 2x a day
-started urine therapy today
I am only 20 years old and have seen the happiest and the worst times of my life in the last year and a half. I love my family and my friends and am so lucky that they understand my life and my struggles and help me whenever I need it. I have had some crazy stuff happen to me as a result of the viral infection in my brain- I even checked myself into the psych ward to see if they could help there(silly me!!)- of course they couldnt help me. Its scary to lose touch with reality though! Sometimes I wake up in my home of 20 years and forget who and where I am. I get scared very easily and can't even watch television because all of the violence gives me nightmares. I attribut this to adrenal insufficiency, as my blood pressure has dropped down to about 85/60. I was a very intelligent, stable, social, happy college student before this disease and I will get my life back!! I feel like I have been given this disease to discover something huge in the relationship between epstein barr-adrenal insufficency- and mental illness...maybe I'll win a nobel prize someday!! Ahhh dreams and love are all that keeps me going right now...
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