Sadhana, a new face with a lovely deep voice, My Ears are a sexual organ, If you stay up late and show up late? what then?, Do I have to start again?,
Date: 9/18/2005 9:31:17 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 1184 times
So I was a 1/2 hour late to Sadhana becausee I stayed up till 12M!! And even later since the computer needed to be restored after I downloaded ftp...shoot.
Ah well, I am learning, I think Ipswich is an old ftp program but it is the one most compatible with Pat's. Pat is my webmaster and is teaching me how to make my own websites and to do maintainence on my own site. My next site is up - headwet.com. As anyone who reads me knows, I am an avid swimmer, and reader...O well you may not know the second one- but I am that also. I will have toys for the water on Headwet..
But back to Sadhana,there was a new guy there today, Ohhhh and his voice was Beautiful, I smiled when I heard him chanting. Oh dear! I find this so very attractive, music and (men)chanting/singing. I'm not kidding you, when I heard that voice came out you could've knocked me over with a feather. I see my ears are a sex organ now! So it is clear he will play and sing...yes this is clear...He was young also!
What is this attraction to young men? I have been avoiding younger men for 10 years, and still this is what is so. I do like them but there is so much left out of their selfs in my eras of life experience.
I really don't think a younger man would feel comfortable in any state of being with me, except sexually...And I did make that promise that it would not be that...but the whole enchilada. Otherwise I am cheating myself!
I find it most humorous this God Joke...I am thinking ...what am I thinking- the question is "what am I feeling" and this feeling has driven the dragon that spawned some pretty awful decisions in my life. I suppose I am used to awful decisions where relationship with the opposite sex is concerned. But that is really not true anymore and it is certainly not being fair to myself...Or him..
maybe I can separate the two, but being a woman this is not my nature (I have tried to fool myself before...and it always come backs to bite me in the ass after the initial endorphine sexua| stage of love..(infatuation?)
But that voice there is not denying it, had we been alone I would have been entranced-and I was to anyway.
I want to run and hide-I swear-suffered the slings and arrows and misfortune of cupid- but eros and I can get along just fine for about 3 months-1 year...then ..then it has been heartbreakingly difficult.
One of the others ( I have heard this one's name) congratulated me on showing up late "Good work in getting here,__9th___" . He knows how hard it was to make it in late...easier to not show up at all, eh? But I am committed and I would have missed that lovely, lovely voice next to me this morning. My senses are definitely infatuated right now, the voice still resonates in my chest and head...
Who'd have thought that hearing would become a sensation for attraction?
So wonderful...I wish I could line up all the aspects up in one being!
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