"Take me to the station, and put me on a train/I've got no expectations/ To pass through here....again..." ~Rolling Stones lyric
Date: 12/22/2006 5:12:29 PM ( 15 y ) ... viewed 1846 times
In a daze, I continue to move through the holiday season.
As I get older, for some reason, though I make some efforts to structure it so I can make it through these supposedly joyous holidaze peacefully and relatively unscathed, and let my dear relatives and friends know how much of a gift they truly are to me, the holiday season just seems to get more and more painful and difficult for me emotionally as the years go on.
Thank heavens nobody saw me walking from my relative's house to my car parked on deeply snowy icy streets two blocks away, hot burning tears streaking down my cheeks. Why would I think it was safe to go anywhere for an impromptu rescheduled holiday gift exchange after I had just worked a 16-hour shift at the health care facility and so much needed some sleep?
I let the need to see my dear relatives and the strong urge I have to be social when I have the chance take over.
But, you know, I am basically a very sensitive person, and when I am in the sleep deprivation mode, even more sensitive. This doesn't always tranlate into a quiet, demure demeanor socially, either. Unfortunately, I can be reactive, and verbal about rudeness of others, whether intended or not. I can over react.
Well, the visit, to some of my most loved and precious relatives, did not go well. I feel so disappointed, and keep going over in my mind when the whole thing went off course. It is clear to me what I could have done to keep things on course.
Since retroactive corrections of social faux pas is not in fact possible, we can only move forward and learn from our mistakes.
Since this was not the first time such difficulties had arisen with these relatives, who knows if they'll forgive me.
I hope so.
So, things are off to a rough start with my holiday "celebrations."
And life goes on.
I'm committed to continuing on this path I have chosen, taking vitamins and supplements, using natural health approaches as a priority, and allopathic only as a last resort, focusing on constantly improving my diet, and much much more, so much of which I have learned during my time at CureZone.
And so much else I have been diligently devoted to doing for many years.
I am so grateful for the natural health path. Because I know I don't have to go way off balance and react overly to holiday stressors, which are apparently inevitable.
So I continue to love my dear ones, and to forgive them, and of course, to forgive myself, in full awareness of the lessons I need to learn from social interactions gone awry.
Blessings to each and every one of you,
P.S. And, by the way, here's the most helpful resource I found this afternoon when zig zagging through the internet to read about positive ways of keeping balanced and dealing with holiday stressors:
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