Why I started this fast, What I'm doing and Goals
My introduction. What started me on my journey and what I'll be doing.
Date: 5/29/2005 2:27:26 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 2175 times
Do you ever get the feeling like you are lost in your life. There are so many things that are going well for you externally, but emotionally there's an inner turmoil that you can't seem to resolve?
That's where I was at, that why I've started this fast. Five years ago I was prescribed an SSRI for depression. I honestly don't think I was clinically depressed at that point to the extent whereby I actually needed an Rx. But that MD's for you, they don't listen, or really care about what's really going on with their patients, they just want to get them hooked on the pharmacutical companies samples....Anyway, at that point in my life I was feeling low, mainly just moody and withdrawn. I had just moved out of a bad living situation and was back at home with my parents. I got better though. I stopped filling the prescription for the pills and came off of it on my own. The side effects where nasty (a lot of dizzyness, insomnia, nausea I suspect having to do with the brain chemicals)but I did it. I believed in myself and I believed that I was capable of choosing whether I could feel happyness and I did....
A lot has happened since then. Things were great for me. I did a lot of great things, travelled, met a lot of great people. But for the past few years since I've started school again, I've felt a new lowness to my life. Mostly, I'm unhappy, confused, again withdrawn.
A big part of this has to do with my weight. (Yes, you knew it was coming!). I'm 5'11" and I weigh 175 at the start of this fast. I've tried every diet in the book but I can never stick to them. Everytime I fail, my self confidence takes a blow and I start to feel hopeless. Why isn't there more research done on the link between weigh gain or overweight and depressive episodes???
Why I started this fast
1. Mainly I don't want to go back to antidepressants, I don't think they solve anything, I truly believe I can do this myself.
2. Surely there is a spiritual part of me that needs to be awakened, otherwise I wouldn't have the motivation to do this, I wouldn't have hope. I need to find it and revitalize it.
3.Weight loss (self explaintory)
4. Can I feel happy again? Not as a result of a person or an event but as a result of just being who I am. Me.
What I'm doing:
1. Fasting. Abstaining from food for 20 days.
2. Juicing. Making fresh juice where I can, but honestly I'm a student and I work full time so it isn't exactly practical for me to carry about my juicer. Sometimes I'll have to resort to bottled juice (no sugar or additives obviously)
3. Reading the Bible/Prayer/Meditation
4. Yoga/Pilates classes x3/week
1. Some kind of spiritual clairity, enlightenment
2. To be happy with myself, my body and my mind
3. Cleansing, detoxifying body
2. Weight loss
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