Drag me kicking and screaming, THEN I'll go willingly
Date: 8/22/2005 7:08:02 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 2003 times
My whole life, I am proud to say I've grown up in Southern California - San Diego. I love the overwhelming diversity of the many cultures, the rambunctious young adults on skateboards and at parties that wear the Quicksilver shirts and Oakley glasses. I love strolling through the rich streets of La Jolla, gazing at the beach from Encinitas, visiting the art museums in Escondido, and my favorite treat is getting lost among the maze of tall buildings in Downtown SD, neon lights of various colors spilling across the sidewalks. I love the competition, because when you receive that bit of kindness and compassion that is so rare in such a busy city, you really learn to treasure it.
I don't want to be ripped away from my lovely city! My health failed me nearly a year ago, and because of money, I cannot obtain what I need in order to heal and get better. I'm not in the shape to get a job, I've tried, and debt keeps me out of school. I don't apply for disability or unemployment. 18 turning into 19 in just a couple months, and I'm scared as hell. Sympathy from others is what keeps the roof over my head.
My last option is going to live in the Ozarks with my mother. I wouldn't mind, but she's an alcoholic, and she doesn't view health as an issue. She doesn't believe in illness, and years of abuse causes her to deny so many things that are wrong.
Now, about the state... it's miles of wheat fields. She loves it.
It is GORGEOUS, but it pisses me off. I mean, EVERYONE drives the speed limit.
In San Diego, when you're by other people, we usually keep this respectable silence if you don't know them, with the occasional territorial stare, [your territory being your personal bubble]. It looks kind of like this;
In the state my mother lives in, everyone talks to you. I usually like to keep to myself, but you have to put on this smile that makes the corner of your mouth tic because you're wearing it so long. You start doing that thing where you answer their questions as vaguely as possible ['Mmnhmn? Oh yeah? Huh.] and you turn your body away from them pretending that you're focusing your full attention on the closest item available.
Actually, I lied. The teenagers there look at you like you're weird. Sometimes I fear they'll jump me.
So, I see it as two options.
a) I can struggle to make money and build my way up, be the epitomy of the American Dream,
b) PUT ON YOUR COWBOY HATS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! CAN I GETTA YEEEEEEEHAW!
Aaaaand welcome to another round of Double Jeopardy, ladies and gentlemen! I'd like to reach out to the audience. Does anyone have a suggestion, inspirational story, or knife I can slit my throat with?
I'm a clean pet, up for adoption!
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