Blog: Je Ręve de Toi
by JeSuisButterfly

Cat's Eyes Are Windows

emotionally drained.. I'm a bit sad

Date:   2/4/2006 10:28:33 PM   ( 15 y ) ... viewed 2251 times

Okay, here goes my post -

I feel like such a failure. Because of my illness, the pain and my intense fear of people makes it a challenge for me to interact with people - including Nono and his children. My work here consists of helping in the care and growth of his children, as well as the support of Nono.

But I'm awful at this. What a vicious cycle.
Nono says children are coming over ---> My fear rises, which either creates or adds to intestinal discomfort ---> My anger at my inability to properly care for children and Nono and my inability to cure myself causes me to grow angry at myself and hurt myself physically and/or emotionally ---> Nono gets upset at me and uses biting remarks or actions ---> My disappointment in myself rises, causing me to lash out at Nono and myself even more.

Today, I decided myself incompetent and tired of battling my illness. I was so upset that I would allow my anger to spill out and effect Nono [who doesn't deserve it] that I snatched two knives from the kitchen and locked myself in my room.

With a cry to heaven pleading for intervention and help, the blade flashed as I placed it against my wrist, remembering the best method to cut to encourage massive damage and blood flow.

A gentle paw was placed upon my face. Kitty, who had also been locked in the room with me, peered at me with her large drowning eyes. Her gaze locked with mine - I recalled how it was written that cats allow Spirits to watch through their eyes. Normally, I see her as distant, flirting with humans around her through play, but rarely with touch.

She continued to make contact with my eyes, brushing herself lightly against me.

Needless to say, I lost my conviction for suicide.

I thank her for that, but I'm still so angry with myself. So is Nono... it sucks and it hurts. He suggested, 'I think Ross should drive over and pick you up.' I was so afraid he wanted me to leave.

I still am.

I just wish I could help myself.

~Papillon

Add This Entry To Your CureZone Favorites!

Print this page
Email this page
DISCLAIMER / WARNING   Alert Webmaster


CureZone Newsletter is distributed in partnership with https://www.netatlantic.com


Contact Us - Advertise - Stats

Copyright 1999 - 2021  curezone.com

0.375 sec, (2)

Back to blog!
 
Add Blog To Favorites!
 
Add This Entry To Favorites!

Comments (15 of 210):
Re: Your True Inne… edule… 6 y
Dance!! Dear Lady… kermi… 15 y
Silence and Solitu… YourE… 15 y
Wise #48222 15 y
good luck cheezerman 15 y
blessings finallyfaith 15 y
don't go ren 15 y
Re: Your friends w… JeSui… 15 y
Re: Your friends w… white… 15 y
Re: Your friends w… JeSui… 15 y
Your friends were … white… 15 y
Re: Make it real? JeSuisB… 15 y
Re: healing crises… JeSui… 15 y
healing crises on … #6043… 15 y
Make it real? #58095 15 y
All Comments (210)

Blog Entries (12 of 63):
Cat's Eyes Are Windows  15 y
Two sides to the Coin  15 y
Lovely  15 y
A Conversation with Self  15 y
She's taking her time, makin…  15 y
Happy New Year Everyone!  16 y
Is it really true? Did you s…  16 y
Here's your Holiday  16 y
The Younger Generation  16 y
The SAD diet...  16 y
I just ordered a water disti…  16 y
Maybe if I drop it again  16 y
All Entries (63)

Blogs by JeSuisButterfly (1):
Balance  15 y  (51)

Similar Blogs (10 of 185):
Cosmic Harmony  by Orgone  22 d
Exactly how To Work…  by woman63  25 d
StrikePen Black Twi…  by strikepen0  26 d
Brand development m…  by SteveWilson  48 d
Top nuoc hoa huong …  by nuochoa  52 d
Brain Boot Camp or …  by kerminator  52 d
Dreaming a New Real…  by lfire  61 d
Financial Accounting  by Micky01  86 d
Clifford Blog  by CliffordVickers  3 mon
Samsung Mobile Pric…  by lucicamarvel  4 mon
All Blogs (1,019)

Back to blog!
 

Purest Body Products
Sanctum Pure Body Products are so pure you could eat them (no gua...



Natural Cancer Remedies
Cancer-proof your body with little known immune boosters!



Wormwood Capsules, Clove Tincture
Hulda Clark Parasite Cleanse



Better Than Colonics. Period.
Oxygen Detoxification for both small and large intestine...



J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...