Why I’m Doing This
And why I call this blog “Saving My Life”
Date: 4/29/2006 4:13:18 AM ( 14 y ) ... viewed 1515 times
Why am I doing this? It seems like that would be a fairly cut and dry answer—better health! If that were the whole truth, I would have done it years ago. We all want better health, but doing the work to get there usually requires an incentive beyond that want. That’s what I’d like to talk about here.
A couple of months ago I had the misfortune of watching my best friend, my beautiful mother die. She was only 60 years old, much too young to go with still so many unfulfilled dreams. I can’t accurately retell the pain of seeing her everyday, her body struggling against an illness that left her in a coma for two weeks before her death. I held her hand and kissed her forehead as she took her last breath. It was, without a doubt, the most painful experience of my life.
My mother’s health had been failing for years. The last couple of years she and I became closer than ever. I took on a caregiver role and wanted nothing more than to save her. In the end I couldn’t.
In the weeks since her death I have been haunted by dreams wherein I go through it all over and over again. I try to save her life, but in the end I always fail. During this time I also became seriously ill. The stress combined with pre-existing health issues, and not taking care of myself in the wake of her death, led to constant, blinding headaches and heart problems.
I’m in my thirties but I could see myself heading down the same road to an early death. I knew I wanted to take better care of myself, but I needed a kick-start, something to force me into action. That’s when it clicked…
I’ll never have that second chance to save my mom’s life, no matter how much I want it, but there’s nothing on this earth closer to her than me. I can save my own life.
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