Blog: Breaking free from chains of my past
by gotcha862003

My experiences with Satan, ever since I received Christ

Satan is vindictive in his ways, a scoundrel of limitless evilness and he cares for nothing and nobody till he devours his prey. He is omnipresent and will attack when we are most comfortable--most complacent--and we must look towards God for help and fight alongside God.

Date:   10/20/2006 2:03:36 AM   ( 14 y ) ... viewed 2855 times

I don't really wish to write this because it imbues fear in me, but I know it is paramount that my memories are accounted and not lost forever so I may track what Satan's ways are.

I am very new to the gospel though I have been protected by God and acquainted with Christianity for more than 5 years now. It was only a month ago that I was saved. That was when unusual things that I probably left unnoticed in the past became apparent to me. And it scared me.

First encounter with Satan: First day of my previous water fast just 2 weeks ago

I was thoroughly prepared about his attack before I began and geared up spiritually to face him if the need came. The need did come. I did not fear. I spoke to him in a resolute quiet voice to go away; I was listening to Christ now and will not fall into gullibleness. He was coaxing me all day and once the next, then he vanished.

Second encounter with Satan: 5th or 6th day into my previous water fast

I broke the fast partly because I was in dire pain--my body burnt up to a boil for 3-4 days continually--and partly due to the fear that engulfed me when I sensed what I described as "a black mist that came and went intermittently and furtively" hovering from daybreak to sundown. I distracted my mind in vain. I prayed but the security quickly dissipated. I was so afraid I cried convulsively towards the end of the day and immediately sought counsel from a Christian friend. She talked me through, shared a similar experience and adviced me not to fear for the Lord is my rock--he will not desert me. Satan is vindictive in his ways, a scoundrel of limitless evilness and he cares for nothing and nobody till he devours his prey. He is all around and will attack when we are most comfortable--most complacent--and we must look towards God for help and fight alongside God. He tormented me for a few days by luring me back into binging and purging. Now, I see why I cannot resist food. No matter how tasteless food is to me nowadays, the draw is something more intangible than it appears. I only refound strength when my boyfriend called me to send encouragement and love. A Christian stranger's visit solidifed my resolve to get back on the wagon and finish my fasting.

I admit I became complacent when the fast went smoothly--a mistake that gave Satan a crevice to assault me. I believed I was too weak to fend him off and lost focus of my recovery program and spiritual walk with God and fell back into my self-destructive ways. Satan is insidious.

Third encounter with Satan: today

I cannot lie, my relations with my mother are not good. Her blowup today however proved something more than just a problematic relationship. I was playing the piano and overheard my aunt in the kitchen gossiping again. I was miffed so I stopped practising and went to close the kitchen door. I did make a mumbled comment "two crazy women in the kitchen".

The sequelae of ensuing events horrified me. My mother became hysterical. She screamed at me, maligned me, cursed me, condemned me, mocked me, flashed blasphemous handsigns at me and physically attacked my father. She raised her hand at me, an indication that a slap was imminent. My aunt stood aside chanting strange words.

For the first time, I did not physically attack her or her possessions. I merely said that she could hit me or abuse me verbally but she could not touch me because God is protecting me. When she marched upstairs, probably in a frustrated attempt to break my possessions, I did not follow. My father followed however, and stopped her, when she tried to push him down the stairs. I was aghast. Something about her was seriously wrong. When she started whipping her profanities and irreverent gesticulations at me, I did nothing but refuted that I was nothing she said I was. She continued relentlessly. I watched her. And what I observed horrified me. Satan had entered her--at least this is how I will explain it till now. Her face was black and smirked of the devil's signature. When she turned around and my father intervened to tell me to stay away, the colour slipped away. When she was close enough to point her finger at me, the black resurfaced. Her eyes were fiery. Her tongue spoke evil. Her body language was exuding taunt. It grew angrier and more violent when she was not able to get to me and anger me. For the first time, I was not angry. It hit me. The devil was right in front of me. I begged my father to look at her. I don't know if he saw, but I know what I saw. I saw the same thing that attacked me the previous two times. When she pointed at me again at the final showdown, my voice boomed and I pointed at her in her face, my finger steady and my eyes unwavering. I chanted, "You are the devil, go away! You will not defeat me. You cannot harm me. You are the devil." I faced it with a courage I had not had before. She didn't stop mocking and pointing and I continued likewise, chasing the devil away, knowing it was really here under my nose. My father gently pulled me away and I retracted obediently and she slammed the kitchen door in my face. My final words were "you are the devil. Go away. You will not murder my brother and me any longer. I will protect and save him. I will heal myself because I am protected by God. I can see you, devil. Go away!"

I went back to my piano. For the first time, I was not angry at anyone, not even my mother. If you ask me to forgive her, I will say I hold no grudge and I forgive her. But I know what I saw. And I faced it, with not a modicum of fear. I called my Chrisitan aunt and she said she will talk to my mother about it later.


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