Blog: Releasing Secrets and Shame
by #53299

I'm Goin' Fishing

Seek and You Shall Find

Date:   6/15/2007 11:20:02 AM   ( 14 y ) ... viewed 1804 times

I am on a fishing expedition to fish my self-esteem out of the bottom of the toilet bowl. It is not about to be excavated out of there without a massive concerted effort on my part.

Here is one tiny example of how I am doing this and I must pat myself on the back for speaking my truth and standing my ground. It definitely would have been easier just to give in but that's what I have been doing all my life. If I want things to change, I have got to start behaving and reacting differently in order to get a different result.

Flashback - I grew up on a steady diet of "You'll never amount to anything"; You're so stupid; You're so lazy; You're so slow - yada yada yada.

It's true - I was a bit slow on the uptake. In Kindergarten, the teacher asked that I be evaluated by a psychiatrist because she thought I was retarded. I guess my crippling shyness made me so introverted that she thought something was really wrong with me. Apparently I used to crayon my pictures in black crayon. Doc Psychiatrist's report said that I was intelligent. But the label had been issued and the stigma stuck to me like glue all of these years. My parents never had very high expectations of me and that got translated into my belief system so I began believing I am lacking in the intelligence department. I had tremendous difficulty concentrating, multi-tasking, remembering etc. My older brother, on the other hand, was brilliant in school and they mercilessly compared me to him.

During the course of my childhood, my spirit was broken over and over again due to various reasons (even before I was hit by the bomb about the nature of my conception). By the time I grew into adulthood, I had adopted a real defeatist attitude of "What's the point in trying, I won't be able to do it anyway." Even one of my daughters once commented "Mom, how come you always act so helpless?"

Fast forward to the present - the other day I drove downtown with my husband to visit someone. She lives on a narrow street and there was only one parking spot available on her street. The only problem was I had to parallel park on my left which, for me, is infinitely more difficult than parallel parking on my right. My husband knows I have struggled greatly in the past with coordination etc. so when I didn't make it on my first attempt, he offered to park for me. I stubbornly refused his offer and the woman I was visiting also offered to park for me but I again refused. I was feeling under tremendous pressure to perform due to both of them watching me. This is a throwback to always being criticized and scrutinized in the early days. But I was determined and after a number of attempts I managed to park, albeit jutting out a bit. I felt flustered and a bit embarrassed (part of the shame I am in the process of letting go of). It was a small but important victory.

Then, returning home, I expressed to my husband (correction - it was kind of a tirade) that he needed to give me some space to find out who I really am. I told him that I am well aware that he can fix anything and is very capable and competent in areas that I struggle in. I asked him not to interfere or intervene when he sees me struggling with something (unless I specifically ask for help) as I really want to discover what I am capable of. I want to get out of that 'helpless' mindset and start to build some semblance of self-confidence so that one day I can hold my head up high knowing I have become self-sufficient and self-reliant.

I know I can be so much more than I have allowed myself to be, up until now. I have been steeped in lies and false beliefs about myself. A recent discovery affirmed that there never was anything 'wrong' with my intelligence but rather I was severely reacting to something I had been ingesting all along (MSG). This has really helped put things in perspective for me so I am starting to catch a glimpse of my untapped potential that has been lying dormant, unexpressed, for over 50 years and I am now testing the waters, so to speak. I'm not going to let anything or anyone hold me back now.

Onward and upward....

Add This Entry To Your CureZone Favorites!

Print this page
Email this page
DISCLAIMER / WARNING   Alert Webmaster


CureZone Newsletter is distributed in partnership with https://www.netatlantic.com


Contact Us - Advertise - Stats

Copyright 1999 - 2021  curezone.com

0.094 sec, (2)

Back to blog!
 
Add Blog To Favorites!
 
Add This Entry To Favorites!

Comments (16 of 16):
Re: How Do My Dent… #5329… 14 y
Re: How Do My Dent… #6729… 14 y
Re: How Do My Dent… #1083… 14 y
Re: How Do My Dent… #1083… 14 y
How great that you… fledg… 14 y
Re: Awesome! #53299 14 y
Awesome! Aharleygyrl 14 y
Re: Wow II Aharleygyrl 14 y
Re: Wow II #53299 14 y
Re: Wow II Aharleygyrl 14 y
Re: Congrats! #53299 14 y
Re: Wow II #53299 14 y
Re: Wow. #53299 14 y
Congrats! Aharleygyrl 14 y
Wow II Aharleygyrl 14 y
Wow. Reb32 14 y
All Comments (16)

Blog Entries (3 of 15):
I'm Goin' Fishing  14 y
Time to Walk the Talk....  14 y
Finally Ready to Cast Off th…  14 y
All Entries (15)

Similar Blogs (10 of 185):
Concerned consumer  by Toolatetoturnbacknow  21 d
Concerned consumer  by Toolatetoturnbacknow  21 d
Brain Boot Camp or …  by kerminator  28 d
Plant Your Dream!  by YourEnchantedGardener  35 d
The Mental Health R…  by matarch90  84 d
Paisley Health Tips  by PaisleyH  3 mon
My Enchanted Garden…  by Chef JeM  3 mon
Uncovering The Star…  by Ren  3 mon
Psyche & Health  by Chef JeM  3 mon
joshuadollar  by joshuadollar  4 mon
All Blogs (1,019)

Back to blog!
 

Kidney Cleanse
Hulda Clark Cleanses



Lugol’s Iodine Free S&H
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine Solution. Restore lost reserves.



Your Ad Here
Place your ad here !



Natural, Soothing, Progesterone Oil
Supplementation and Hormone Balancing Based on the...