Day 9 by cloud gate .....
I became aware of triggers and how 'untempting' they were today
Date: 4/28/2009 5:01:51 PM ( 13 y ago)
When things are going slowly, and i log in and post the days that have passed, I am elated. 9 days have gone by quickly.
Today, i noticed certain things, I was at a professional workshop about 20 miles from my home. I received several triggers for making bad nutrional choices, traveling 20 miles, which is like 40 minutes where I'm from, is a long ride for me considering I work 5 minutes from my house. It was a trigger to stop somewhere and get something to eat and drink. Like coffee at starbucks, i love coffee but have not drank it in several months and have not drunk it regularly in probably over a year.
Doing something different, going into a different town is a trigger to eat, "oh, let me try someting I usually don't eat" it is ridiculous flawed thinking, there are chipotles and portillos and potbelly's within 10 min. of where I live. my memory of workshops throughout my professional life have meant leaving the conference sight and finding something to eat.
So at lunch i got in my car and drove, not really sure where I was going, i drank about 10 oz of orange/grapefruit juice i had squeezed in the morning and drove past the above named establishments in addition to Denny's, Indian food, etc. I had not impulse to stop in thosse places, not physically. I didn't desire it in my soul. Part of the trick was not being hungry because I drank the juice, but there was an indescribable lack of interest, although i had felt and continued to feel all those triggers, then I went back to the hotel after 10 minutes of aimless purposeless driving and read RAw spririt by matt monarch.
I am still kind of in awe about the entire experience and wish I could explain better. Now i am not a person with a will power of iron, steel, titanium or what have you. I started this thing at over 180 pounds and 5'1. I am at about 170, I love food and tantalizing my sensitive taste buds. This experience made me see that i have all sorts of triggers. Almost anything beomes an excuse to eat.
I am a little worried about this weekend. On Friday, I am going out with friends. I haven't seen F in years and we are hanging out for the first time in a long time, where? of course, meeting at a delish restaurant with excellent margaritas. ON sat there is afamily event at a banquet hall, and Sun. meeting up with some girls, eating is involved and I want to eat.
I am alreadly formulating the arguments pro and con. I won't beat myself up if i eat something at al three places and then continue my fast, i just know that i will set myself back in my cleansing goals. If this were only about weight loss then it wouldn't be so bad, but I am also doing it for cleansing and spiritual purposes. So I must think. Next year I will do this during lent, just seems appropriate and spring is really my New Year Celebration.
Yesterday I had another bowel movement. I noticed it was about an hour after 2 oz of wheatgrass. i wonder if wheatgrass does this to me. I will test i out in a little bit.
my husband hates to speak of BM, but i see its value in revealing my state of health.
So last night I had a dream that in like 2 seconds after sitting down i had a BM and it only took 2 seconds. I looked in the toilet and in 2 seconds 7 dukies came out. they were orangish, brownish about 8 inches long and smooth looking. Sorry for the details but in my dream i was so excited. i was in disbelief that so much was coming out at this stage in my cleansing but was very pleased with myself.
I'm thinking about taking a class on mediation or ssomething. I can read about it or just start it, now, instead of being ont he computer. but i always have fun taking a class.
I already see myself more peaceful with the world and myself. there is more positivity in me, i needed this. frequently my thoughts race to negative thoughts, i don't feel that, have not felt it today,
i wish i could be a stay at home wife and care for my husband and home and meditate and clean. I know it sounds archaic, but this life is too fast for me. the pressures and my to do list is crazy! but my husband does not see the point in it unless we have children at home, so i better start popping some out. LOL.
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