Day 11 and 12, failure and reboot by ciaren .....

failure, breaking fast, bulemia, broth, sugar addiction, breaking procedure

Date:   1/19/2014 2:41:13 PM ( 9 y ago)

I failed. No other way to start this really. Except, I failed.

If my old flatmates hadn't been coming back to stay and arranged to cook house dinner.... If they weren't really good cooks.....

well, I could go on and on about this, but flat out..... I failed.

They cooked beef stew, mash potato and veggies, and sticky toffee pudding with ice cream and custard and caramel source.

And I ate all of it.

And washed it down with wine.

Conclusively failed.

And I had a great great time. And I was more alert and happy than I have been for a week.

And the consequences?

Well, for a breaking procedure, here is a perfect example of how NOT to bust out of the master cleanse. I ate meat, dairy, sugar content and alcohol all in one go and in moderate quantity.

That should clog up my digestive system, it brings complete inconsistency to the signals I have been giving my system for the past 10 days....

It's a total fail, and a bad idea.

But having said that, I had a bowel movement within 12 hours of the meal.

Have not decided what to do yet. I was considering getting straight back on the wagon, but doing the SWF this morning seemed hypocritical, and smacks of bulemia, and I don't want to just flush the input of last night out of my system like it never happened. I am a food addict and have weak willpower and that seems a dangerous precedent for me to set.

Today I made and ate broth, and ate it when tired.

Is the cleanse done? Well I guess so, since I have totally bust the protocol, but my process of getting hold of myself and clearing out my system is not done. I'm still committed to that. And I'm going to try out the idea that one failure doesn't define this process. I made a mistake. I can try and get my attitude straight to carry on, which I will do.

Minor achievements in other areas: significant piles of stuff given away, enough that I have space in cupboards to put things and can start trying to reorganise them.

And my personal work: looking at my code of honour, I am going back through times when I have not done what I said I would do. My track record for doing good things for others is pretty good, but there are mistakes I have made and I am in breach to a number of old friends over things that have gone too long unsaid. I am working on those today. Not on the food front. I have lost on one front, but I can still keep winning on the others, I hope.


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