Body image improves with a bit of work(ok a lot of work)

Date:   6/5/2007 8:38:50 PM ( 19 y ago)

It has been 4 days since my last entry. The longest cleanse I did was 21 days so I am on my way to a new record.

I feel good! Been doing lots of self care stuff.

First of all the exema that came out on my hands came and went just as fast. Also I think the age spots on my hands are fading and my cellulite may be going as well.  I will keep you posted on that.

When I put my jeans on yesterday I looked in the mirror and said "damb you look good" lol... I am losing weight and fitting into my clothes much better. I am still not at the weight I want to be at but really, will I ever be?

Since I was 9 years old I have suffered with major weight and food addiction.  I spent the following 40 years buying (literally) into messages that told me I wasn't good enough. Between my abusive father, the following abusive boyfriends and the fairy tale (outright bull#$#t) advertising we all were stampeded with, selling us the lie that if we weren't blond, skinny and beautiful we just were not good enough. The guys got big, muscle-laden expensive car driving protection machines. Gawd!!

I bought those lies for many years and then spent many more years working my ass off in therepy to change my mind again because I couldn't stand the pain I was in. Thank God for the new Dove ads, lets be real folks!

I know I still have a distorted  body image but today is different. That stuff is all in the past and I know that the only thing that I have is this moment. I have a choice to make this moment what ever I want it to be!

When I saw myself in the mirror and felt so good about what I saw I had a feeling come over me like I have never had before. I knew that I would not be going back to the unhealthy Jennifer again. I made a decision. I decided that I was coming out of this cleanse changed. No more hurting myself with food. There is no room in my life for self abuse anymore. I choose life!

What a wonderful thing to know that I only have to live through one day at a time one minute at a time if need be. I can do anything for one day. When I begin to eat again I am going to make sure I have lots of support and all the information I need to make healthy choices.

I am gathering recipies and bit by bit the staples I will need to make them. Organics and special things like Tamari and Tahini cost a bit more but if I pick them up bit by bit it will be easier. I am also going to be collecting things ahead of time like different spices and beans and dry goods that will store in my cupboards so that I will be prepared to make new meals for myself.

I am really excited! Yesterday I had a detox bath that was really good-

2 tbsp ginger powder, 2 cups apple cider vinigar, 2 cups epson salts and 1 cup of baking powder. I drew a very hot bath and stayed in for 30 minutes. Wow! Afterwards I showered off and went to bed to read. The sweat was pouring off my forhead for about 15 or 20 minutes. My skin felt so good the next day.

 I also ground up oatmeal in my food processor until if was like a flour and then in my hand added a bit of water and rubbed it all over my face. My face was so soft after I rinsed...I am going to use it all over my body when I have my next bath.

I have been researching natural recipies for everything and it is really amazing what you can do with fruit... My landlord just called and I will be getting a new fridge on Thursday. Woo hoo and new fridge for my new healthy lifestyle....how perfect is that!

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