"There are definitely deeper dynamics affecting the original poster's partnership and why the intimacy of a partnership should fall upon the shoulders of EITHER individual is unrealistic."
Exceptionally well put. There are Self-Help programs that will address these dynamics that only one person has to initiate, but it is by no means one person's doing that created the problem.
Yeah, I'm still with her. She's the perfect wife morning, noon, and night, just doesn't like all that intimacy stuff, all that romance. Just wants to be "serviced" three times a month. Once before her period, once after and once in the middle. Doesn't seem to matter to her who does the servicing either. My love for her died. She killed it.
"Not for the sex either it's just fun to do - give love."
For women, they have to be in love before the sex is good in a marriage. For men, they show their love through sex. So, if a woman is not wanting to have sex with you, she is not having those "in love" feelings. This is not about sex. It is about love. If she is not responding to you sexually, you can talk to her and try to find out the problem, or get counseling or a self-help program, and it that doesn't do it, then she is the wrong woman for you. Find someone who appreciates what you do. To do the same thing over and over and expect different results, is insanity. And, blaming her hasn't gotten you anywhere except unhappy and frustrated.
"For women, the prospect of "pleasing her man" for the rest of her life is not pleasant"
I believe you are taking this out of context when applying it to your own life. It is when sex becomes the focus for the man and the woman's emotional needs are not being met, that this applies. There are many women out there in happy relationships who are having sex regularly and do not view it as "servicing" or "unpleasant".
"She says she loves me but her actions don't match."
Actions speak louder than words.
"I've asked her time and time again why I don't do it for her. She just starts crying and won't talk about it. I've mentioned and suggested counselling but she won't do it. Self help books are great but she won't do that either. I read your post on the Kreidman series. She won't do them." "I've asked her if theres anything I can do - nothing."
I really think she is playing you. She is using defense mechanisms to deal with your complaints. And, you keep falling for it.
In all seriousness, I think you need some counseling, because it seems you have some unhealthy deep-seated psychological issues about women. Here are two more of your posts that make me think so:
Your post is exactly right. That's what it sounds like to me, too.
Important key points:
"This attitude will continue to sabotage any and every relationship that you have in the future, unless you get rid of it."
"Sounds like a mutual game of using the other for your own conveniences. Sad, really sad. You both deserve better."
"If people choose to use me and take advantage of me I view it as their problem."
No, it's actually your problem. I recommend the book Self Matters.
"Maybe that's wrong but I've seen the bad side of life and I can't change and really don't want to change anyway."
Perhaps you and your wife deserve each other.
"If I've helped her discover who she really is and what life is really all about it really doesn't matter that I suffer a bit of heartache about it. There's much worse things in life and much more suffering in life than my little ole hurt feelings."
Oh, but you see it's not just you it affects. You go into forums and post things against women:
Ok, but I will leave you with this...
"There ARE women out there that purposefully use men. I've been a victim of that several times. Looks like I fell for it again this time too that's all. My fault. I should know better."
I think you focus too much on the evil women out there who use men. There are just as many men out there using women. I also recommend Life Strageties. I think you are afraid of thinking rationally and logically about women and relationships. I am thinking part of your payoff is to write in forums anonymously against women and feel somehow vendicated just a little.
"Life's supposed to be fun not beset with unresolvable problems that are entirely my fault to begin with."
Amazon.com Audiobook Review
Author and reader Phillip McGraw is at the forefront of a group of self-help gurus rethinking Americans' decade-plus-long celebration of victimhood. Calling himself a realist, he outlines 10 ways to take responsibility for and change your life. ...side B dives quickly into the meat of the audiobook, featuring anecdotes from McGraw's own life and the 10 "Life Laws"--the rules by which McGraw believes the world plays.
Life Law #2: You create your own experience. Strategy: Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life. Understand your role in creating results.
You cannot dodge responsibility for how and why your life is the way it is. If you don't like your job, you are accountable. If you are overweight, you are accountable. If you are not happy, you are accountable. You are creating the situations you are in and the emotions that flow from those situations.
Don't play the role of victim, or use past events to build excuses. It guarantees you no progress, no healing, and no victory. You will never fix a problem by blaming someone else. Whether the cards you've been dealt are good or bad, you're in charge of yourself now.
Every choice you make — including the thoughts you think — has consequences. When you choose the behavior or thought, you choose the consequences. If you choose to stay with a destructive partner, then you choose the consequences of pain and suffering. If you choose thoughts contaminated with anger and bitterness, then you will create an experience of alienation and hostility. When you start choosing the right behavior and thoughts — which will take a lot of discipline — you'll get the right consequences.
"It is very difficult trying to answer to your call of distress without appearing like we are coming against you."
"...I think that somewhere along the lines you have missed something in terms of sorting out potential mates before you commit, and right now you appear to display a kind of passive aggressiveness that is hard to ignore."
Alikat, those sentences speak volumes. I congratulate you on your post. It is blunt and to the point, but it is trying to genuinely help. As far as I am concerned if someone does very well in their life but they have bad problems in another major area, it can affect the other areas. Myself, I joke that I will never date again and such, but I haven't actually closed that door and I am always trying to learn about myself and others by reading and studying. CureZone is about helping people get educated and not medicated. Many people who have bad relationships have to go to the doctor and they will give you medications to help you cope. But, there are books and programs and counseling out there that will treat the cause and not the symptom.