Girlfriend. You need a dose of reality here. Is it fair that ANYONE makes you feel bad about yourself? Does anyone have the right to make you feel ashamed of something that is NOT shameful?

Grrrrr.....I've dealt with this myself. My ex (who was very abusive) would not give me any of our joint funds to buy clothes until I lost weight. This went on for years. Can you imagine, I barely had any clothes at all!

All the signs were there in school, right? He treated you like crap. But then when he came back (on his terms) you took him back, and now look what he is doing to you? I swear, you have to believe my 51 years of experience, this relationship, if it lasts, will not turn out well for you.

My ex was a college sweetheart too. He treated me fairly disrespectfully and I was still attracted to him. Insidiously he was making me feel worse and worse about myself in little ways...very passive aggressive. It was not until we got married that it turned to aggressive.

He is superficial, through and through. Any man that treats a woman like that and then blames it on her is a cad. And the fact that he's punishing you for your body by not taking you anywhere?!! Oh brother. You are already down the rabbit hole if you are allowing him to do that. He's a turd.

God, I don't even know how to express my worry for you. If you stay with him, soon you will lose all hints of who you were. This is a classic set up. This man, unfortunately, is showing all the signs of an abuser who is amping up. He may not even know he's doing this, but believe me, all the red lights are going off.

Okay, let me put this another way, you are being punished for being YOU. And what if you never become his ideal...in a month, in a year, in 5 years, in 20 years......

I'm sorry to repeat pretty much the same thing throughout this post, but sometimes its the best way to get the message through.

Stand up. Hold your head high. Start realizing that you are phenomenal, no matter what this man thinks. You are in control of your life if you choose. You will not let anyone take your power from you. You will decide how you look, where you go, what you do. If you want to get fat, that is your decision. Anyone not on board with your agenda can go jump in a lake.

Honey, do you have any good girlfriends you can spend a weekend with? Perhaps a very close, strong woman? You need a bitch session with someone. You also need to have your friend (or family!) tell you what you need to hear.

Tell the jerk, next time he goes somewhere without you, or says anything belittling at all...."Listen buster, I DO NOT have a problem with who I am. If you can't live with me for me, then you can go find someone that suites you better. I suggest that you start to do that as soon as possible."

This will be hard. He may protest. He may say he will change. I'm telling you now, he will not. He's already shown you his hand.

I'm sorry, this must be hard to hear. But believe me, you can get it over now, or you can look towards a very unhappy life with this abusive man.

What a jerk. You poor kid. I wish I lived nearby, I'd come get you outta there and I'd kick his ass.

Molly

"I always thought I was a strong confident person and now I feel defeated and pathetic." You are feeling defeated and pathetic because you HAVE been defeated and "pathetic" is what he has made you believe that you SHOULD be feeling.

"Am I blowing this out of proportion?" Are you kidding? NO! You're not blowing it out of proportion - your instincts are SCREAMING at you to step back and take a look at what's happening to your Self (your own Life's Spark).

"I just feel like he can't love me if I'm not that size 2 again and I'm resentful that he seems so superficial." He "can't" love you because he WON'T love you, size 2 or not. He "seems so superficial" because he IS superficial.

Molly Bloom and Beentheredonethat have offered you some most excellent insight and suggestions. Listen to your HEAD and not your HEART, honey. And, while you're at it, visit this site, read, learn, and GROW STRONG!!!

http://www.heartlessbitches.com

Regardless of the website title, it is a valuable resource to help women drag themselves OUT of victim status and into the status of a strong, wise, cynical, self-assured, self-possessed, and independent woman.

Best wishes to you.

Who told you that life is easy?

I know you got a lot of issues with yourself but why don't you go for a less attractive male with more weight too?

I know your mind plays a lot of games only listening to what I just said but I advice you to socialize and start talking to men.

Then when you talk to a man who isn't so attractive for you remember that u aren't a top model too. Life don't wait just start to have fun for the time you have your youth and maybe one of these men you weren't attracted initialy become your soulmate.

Stop worrying about what other people say especially for your future relationships. You are not a top model honey, or a famous actress or something see da fu..... reality and try to have fun.

Hope I could helped u a little. This man doesn't love u, your relationship is dead u can do nothing. Get over it.

My dear, I hope you don't mind but I went back and read some of your recent posts. I want you to succeed, and I have some comments regarding them.

I read the thing on the sex forum. Again, this just substantiates what I said earlier. You are not being respected. He is selfish beyond belief. A good man will not do that. A good and honest man will care about your fullfillment as much or more than his own.

STOP FASTING. You are not going to keep this fellow by losing weight. Fasting does not keep the weight off, it is only a quick fix. A health fast is much different than a fast to lose weight.

I know you are desperate, but really, is this worth it? Look what he's done to you? He's got you so freaked out that you are fasting in order to keep him? It's so wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin...

Edit - Oh wait, I just realized these posts are very old. How long has this been going on for you? Has it all been around this guy, or is it your own self esteem that you are having problems with?

Reread all the posts here from these wonderful, smart and experienced women. They know what they are talking about. Been there, done that with men, all of us. And now we are older and wiser. You MUST trust us.

Sorry to sound like your Mother, but honey, if I can save but one woman from something that I know deep in my heart is wrong...that will be a great fullfillment for me.

We are all rooting for you in spirit. You go get em girl, and don't let the idiots of the world keep you down!!

Molly

If you actually read what I wrote, you'll notice that I DID criticize your advice, you're only REACTING defensively by ignoring that TRUTH (are you not dedicated to "the TRUTH"?...who was it that said that they are the TRUTH?).

Aside from being faulty because it was in defense of "WRONG"/injustice (the boyfriend), it lacked true compassion (SORROW for the person who is suffering misfortune).

If you actually read what the original poster wrote, you'll see what the issue (the problem that needs a solution) is.

(especially this part)...
"I always thought I was a strong confident person and now I FEEL DEFEATED AND PATHETIC" (to some people, this is a clue).

Do you see? The real issue is not how much "Fun" she can have, she would like "peaceful joy and serenity", nor is it that she should compensate for a jerk and belittle herself, nor is it that she should belittle herself and settle for his abuse, and neither is it that she needs to satisfy him by losing weight or to be satisfactory to to the world by being a model.

It is generally considered "good", "nice", "wise", and compassionate to actually HEAR/understand what a person is saying/writing instead of what you want to think they are saying/writing so you can simply tell them to "Get over it" (for good reason, they feel like reacting by telling you to "Go f&%# yourself" IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW, guess why,...what are they going to do, thank you for your compassion????).

(dedicated to the truth, John 14:6)

You've done some pretty dramatic things in your young life, and all have been to convince a guy to love you. Think about it. You changed everything, you sacrificed it all...he put nothing on the line. He had the luxury of seeing you, downplaying your importance to him, and you felt invested. I have every right to call you a fool...but...I'm not going to. You wanted the dream. Many women want that guy on the other end of the monitor to be exactly what they dreamed of. Back to reality. If you never repeat this mistake then it all was for the better. A very expensive lesson, but an eye-opening one at that. Never, EVER put your life's ambitions on hold to enter the first stages of a relationship. He gives a little, you give a little. See how that works. Then step it up a notch, he steps it up a notch. Responsibility is shared equally. This guy doesn't have anything to lose because you willingly accepted all the risk. Focus on your life, focus on getting your body back in fighting shape, carry on aggresively with your life's pursuit. Don't get sloppy with your feelings. There is a guy out there, a decent guy, who is the one. This guy is number two...if you know what I mean...lol.