hi,

First - why I am posting on this forum -- I have attended NDE support groups in the past and been somehow really helped due to complex reasons.. something about my needing to be healed of a neurotic fear of death... I am just drawn to people who have had these experiences, value them very very much, and wanted to have some contact with them (you). ... I'm just in need of as much contact with as many people as possible in this, a crucial/transition/challenging juncture in my life. Here's my story/update. I've posted on this forum once before and received lovely responses.


I have had a bad year that I ultimately can't really explain... I ate processed food out of an uncontrollable compulsion to do so that followed all the known stages of addiction.

I'm back on raw food only now for some time. I was able to decide not to let my relapse last for a full year. Still -- as every addict is ambivalent -- I am ambivalent about my decision to end the food addiction and clean up my diet all the way (getting off sugary fruits, ultimately, and anything raw but starchy: though these items are raw, they actually are not OK with me)... I need to talk about my cravings and ambivalence as much as possible and get in contact with people who are committed to fasting and raw food-only diets... this is probably the most important action for me to take.... the therapy that will heal the addiction

I am planning/re-starting fasting for all the same reasons I originally wanted to fast. Freedom from brain fog, fatigue, depression, anxiety, and also from the source of all that -- the addiciton to overeating. Just to be free of the mental compulsion to eat when I need to be taking care of my life will be an important result.

I was really inspired by the story of the 95-pound weight loss recently posted on this page. This poster spoke of the condition of overweight/overeating as merely being "on the wrong side of the switch" -- that being healthy was actually ok and easy when you were on the right side. I need to get to the right side.

I would like to hear from anyone struggling to make lifestyle changes. I need to change just a few things now but these things are very important. Mainly the changes are in my attitude to food (have to stop panicking and placing the daily food fix first above all else... need to make a rule for myself, even, that I must refrain actually from eating if I have unmet life needs... I need to meet my life needs FIRST ALWAYS... because I have used food to falsely meet those needs for so long... it just isn't safe to do so any more... this sounds radical, maybe; but please, actually, just don't write back if you don't accept or understand this. i really need to hear from people who do understand.) I also need to change for the better the level of respect I have for my body when it cannot tolerate food. I need to learn a whole new gentleness and stop my behavior of ignoring my body's signals to refrain from eating. I'm not even overweight, just really toxic and damaged and in need of fasting to heal up and change my bodily pH, like. Finally I want to get on a real healing track away from my chronic fatigue/depression. I know from brief successful experiences with fasting that fasting is my answer. It will get me on the right side of the switch.... I need to make it a committed part of my life. ... I do also need to add something that is VERY important to me to have respected: about my chronic toxicity: NO, it is NOT "malnutrition --" please, please do NOT write back if you are going to talk like that. Please. I have been SO frustrated in my life because of the prevalence of that kind of thinking. I have been literally tortured and really almost fed to death. ....That kind of "get your nutrients" kind of thinking, I respectfully submit, is totally toxic and VERY DANGEROUS; and a manifestation of the neurotic thinking of the obese society, which has neurotic fears of not eating... stemming entirely from the parasitic microbial life infesting its exponents... which (this bacterial infestation does) adaptively creates in its hosts mental resistance to fasting; neurotic fears of thinness; and neurotic ideas about the "urgency" of "getting your nutrients." ... Just want to receive the right kind of fasting-supportive, non-fearful responses, please.

Lots of love to all and hope to hear from any pro ana people or whoever can be a real support for radically upping my commitment to the totally raw non-sugary/starchy/overt-fatty diet, and for strongly deciding to refrain from eating when I have unmet life needs (like engagement/work/connection/love). Maybe someone understands??? Love again.