So, you're "Godliness" relationship is all about YOU instead of God, huh?...meaning that you decided that your interaction with God is going to be based on YOU the PERSON instead of the 'GRACE GIVER' (not much humility towards God there!).
God cannot be 'IMPROVED' by anyone's HOLINESS/GOODNESS/WORTHINESS, God is God always and forever.
I'm going to explain something as I believe, understand and know. ANY objections that anyone has about what I am going to say do not matter to me, they don't matter to the universe or reality or to God. If I say "up is up", no objection is of consequence (in other words, it's time that all believers face reality).
FACT #1) Everything in scripture is about what happened and what was said up until roundabouts of 2000 years ago.....(meaning that only parts of scripture are relevant to us, and we each need to use our own common sense to decide what is going to be relevant in our own lives).
FACT #2) None of us were alive 2000 years ago, THEREFORE, none of the things written on the pages were SPOKEN to us (this is a FACT like "up is up", it doesn't matter if anybody wants to disagree, or modify/rationalize an explanation, excuse, or stipulation,...FACE REALITY).
So now we come to this "FORGIVE OTHERS" stuff (I know what it says in scripture...still, "up is up").
When someone wrongs me, I don't care who did it, I care that the EVENT HAPPENED (I'd be upset no matter WHO did it).
It's bad enough that it happened (whether done in secret or not), but then they also usually (if they were discovered as being responsible) have the audacity to come to me and tell me how much it bothers their conscience (seeking forgiveness).....AS THOUGH I SHOULD CARE about the "PERSON".
Well, you see, I am not like the book, I AM LIKE MY FATHER IN HEAVEN (God is no respecter of persons,...and neither am I)....how's that for 'REALITY SHOCK'?......GOD is REALITY, you do want to know the TRUTH, don't you?.
So, you can either be like the book/bible and be a "respecter of persons"....OR you can be like your Father in heaven and NOT BE a "respecter of persons".
It seems agt, that just like virtually every believer on this planet, you want God to drop everything and care about how bad you feel about the things you did......
.....you want God to be a respecter of persons....(because you'd rather not just GET ON WITH LIFE while simply trusting Him to be the loving kind graciously giving and merciful God that He is....give Him a break, agt!, and....
have a little faith/trust).
With the way I grew up (51 years suicidal depression, etc.), I learned not to care about ANYTHING or any "PERSON",....I only care about "HUMAN BEINGS" (a living breathing soul/"self" that has a 'consciousness', but I don't care about "persons"/personalities/persona).....I am "SELFISH". I also am not "GRATEFUL" to anyone who gives me a so-called "GIFT" imperialistically hoping for or expecting something in return for whatever they have given me (no, I will not respect or have regard for that "PERSON").......but if someone gives me a TRUE "gift", they will give it GRACIOUSLY not expecting something in return (it will be a "FREE GIFT" just like salvation, and they will not be hoping that I show "gratitude").
Luke 6:35 "for he is kind to the ungrateful and the selfish".
So, instead of dragging out this "I feel bad" stuff for an extended period of time, just 'buck up' pal and treat all your bad feelings like anger (don't let the sun go down upon your anger,....don't carry it from day to day).
I'm not saying you shouldn't bring your cares here for discussion/debate, insight/understanding, and exploration of God's will/desires, I'm saying don't beat yourself over the head and then believe that the beating has anything to with GOD, Godliness, love, faith, devotion/worship, wisdom, understanding, etc.....
......you are the only one responsible for the "beating" because you are respecting the "PERSON" ("ME") instead of the living breathing soul of yourself.