In respect to the "Church's" teachings, I must tell you first and foremost that I personally grew up in a Lutheran church, the most liberal of all such environments. To be quite honest about it, sex was never once mentioned. My family is also Christian, but like I said, they are not "Fire and broomstoners." I grew up in an extremely loving family. We're very close, and in that context, they mean everything and anything to me in my life.
There's a fine line with associating pre marital relations with "Hell and condemnation," and that of just simply seeing through to His truth of life.
For instance, many of our southern friends make it a habbit of attending adult performance conferences at which time they hold up signs telling everyone that they are bound for hell, when in fact Christ Himself took in a known prostitute, and through His love, made her pure.
The reason that I am quite adimate about my beliefs in this area, first and foremost, has to do with the example set forth for me by my parents. My parents married as virgins. They never once boasted about this, they never once demanded that I live the same kind of life, etc. However, through their all encompassing example of love and strength of heart that they have provided to me and my siblings, you realize that very few, if any other such family structures exist anymore, and what an ultimate gift it is that you have been given at a personal level. You don't want to give up on the kind of life that you've been given, all of its love, and therefore you become insistent on living your own life the same way. You look for a structure that can carry on the type of env't you grew up with, etc.
So you see, at that point there are certain truths that surface that a person can detect, those that go far beyond this being an issue of the act of "Sex" in and of itself. Rather, it is all part of a much larger picture. It doesn't become an individual issue at all, as a matter of fact, but rather, a single piece of the much bigger part of the meaning of life.
In this day and age, the southern folks have done a mighty good job at convincing those not familiar with religion that to be a Christian means that one must "Not have any fun to speak of," that they must spend their every hour "Avoiding evil" and "Judging the evil doer," absolutely none of which is consistent with the love of Christ I know of.
The truth behind the power of Christ is His love, I firmly believe that. Nothing more, nothing less. And so that is to say that there becomes a very firm belief in His call to the heart. Unfortunately, so few ever find their way to His real meaning.
Is a person that supports abortion a Christian being consistent with what Christ asks? No. Is a person that speaks of God everyday but than supports tax cuts to the top 0.5% of wage earners in this country while cutting those to its poorest of citizens, is he a true Christian? I would say not. At the minimum, he/she would have an awful lot of work to do yet with their faith, that's for sure.
So in this day and age when we find so much foolishness, it's no wonder that there exists massive confusion about the goals that Christ Himself had for us.
Take the scenario of the 18 year old walking up to an abortion clinic, and than imagine a scene where several Christian protestors stand at the corner of that clinic protesting the act, some probably holding the traditional "You're going to hell" sign, etc.
But what do we know about that girl? Perhaps she deserves some of that dialogue. Certainly, any woman that is sitting ok financially and is just simply doing this so that she isn't "Nuisanced" with a child is a person that I would despise at the highest level.
But what do we know about most of the issues that lead our young to seek out an abortion? We know that the majority have grown up in single family homes, those that likely have a base of poverty. We know that some cases involve abuse/molestation, and others are the result of there being absolutely no knowledge of Christ having ever been present in the household growing up.
Meaning, the majority of those seeking abortions are nothing more than lost souls, souls that can be lifted up and mended if we truly were living for Christ in the fullest. So imagine, just once, if at the location of one of these clinics on a given day there was witnessed an elderly man pulling up to a street corner w/ his Lexus next to one of the young women walking into the clinic. Unlike the others, however, he doesn't mock her, he doesn't condemn her, etc. Rather he reaches out and embraces her, whispering in her ear that "Everything will be ok."
Two years later, somewhere off the strip of Sunset Blvd a doorbell rings at the owner's mansion one evening, at which time the elderly man and his wife scurry to the front door to meet their Christmas guests. As they open the door, standing before them is a young woman with a beautiful little baby girl standing beside her.
During dinner that evening, the man reflects back on his life, realizing that his true accomplishment in life was never the million dollar CEO salary that he had been receiving all those years, nor was it ever about the Lexus or vacation properties he had come to own in life. Rather, the true reward is what he had accomplished at that very moment, the beautiful little life that he had helped to save through the power of Christ's own heart.
The same example can be eluded to with the vast majority of today's porn stars, etc, 90% of which are believed to have been sexually abused as children. You see, it are these areas in particular that bring challenge to the "Definition of sin," don't they? While pornography is certainly a sin, who's the greater sinner, really? The abused child that nobody ever rescued, or the person that has pledged their loyalties to Him that never picked her up when she had fallen? Perhaps it is some of these areas, in particular, that is why we are ourselves are not to judge others. And if we do, we better make sure that we've done everything necessary to help that person. If not, it might just be that we are no better off in His eyes than they are.
There comes a point, in all of this, you see, that the issue becomes not one of "Rights or wrongs," "Sluts or good girls," but rather, that of an all encompassing mission for Christ Himself. And you do that not because you "Have to in order to avoid hell," but you do it because you know that He's right, and the goodness that comes out from that is a "Proof of Life" in and of itself. Eventually, "Getting laid" and the thought of becomming a billionare are after thoughts, those which have no consistency at all with His main message of hope and love. Instead, the focus becomes what a person can do to serve Him and His truth. A man that referenced our need to assist the poor and disadvantaged well over 500 times in the Bible and said that, "The ultimate thing we can do to make Him proud is to love our enemy," I don't see what could ever possibily be wrong with loving a man like that, or finding one word of what He had to say to be "Impossible" or "Dumb."
But if that is the conclusion that some so choose, than they are undoubtedly placing themselves above the needs of others. And when all is said and done, only love remains within. At that point, regardless of whether or not there might still be lust in the heart in certain areas, you know you would never act on it, and that's just simply because you can't, literally. There's no way one could. The power of His love becomes too strong, too powerful, and so the mere thought of looking at a woman (Or in your case, a man) for the sole purposes of sexual satisfaction becomes an impossible thought. If the love of heart dominates the soul, afterall, it can not bring hurt to others, and sex without love most certainly falls within those lines.
But we are not Christ Himself, and so there is no way to avoid the temptations that come along the way in life, those including sexual temptation, etc. Lust is lust-the conscious of a porno addict is sitting no better off than a person actively engaging in such activity at all times.
The only thing you're left with is the ability to pray and keep asking Him into your heart. For those that haven't ever tried it, one might be very surprised about just how easy He comes to you, which undoubtedly is a display of His loyalty to us. Starting with the mere phrase, "Father, I thank you for everything in my life, and ask you to forgive me of all my sins (And really mean it). Please come and live inside my heart and show me the way" is probably a good starting point for anyone that's never tried it. You would be quite surprised about what takes place at that point.
And not all of it is fun and joyous. To accept Christ is to also take on a lot of the pain of the world. But, without question, you come to the understanding that He's very real, and that He truly does want the best for all of His children.
Some of it occurs all on its own, other parts require individual effort. But in either case, if a person is to put his/her undivided faith in Him, the ultimate reward is a certainty, even though there may be some struggles to get there. I'm still on the journey, personally, and have, moreless, come to live in an all new world, that I can assure you.