First of all if you think I was being uncaring….I’m sorry…I can assure you my frustration wasn’t with you. I was simply trying to get a feel for what you were going through and why you were going through it. I think you would rather cure the disease and not just the symptoms
Here is your post broken down and some responses that might clarify a few things.
The TITLE: Whats wrong with me?
A cry for help…you asked for it…I responded
“have been a Christian for about 7 years. Since the last 3 years, whenever my husband and I have problems, I have thoughts of killing myself”
Its obvious there’s a devil of division here, lets put blame where it belongs.
“My husband has had problems with staying on track with God, mostly because of legalistic issues in the church we used to go to. It was all about "works" instead of loving God from a pure heart”
Its evident that this past church has built up some real resentment, I’m thinking here it might be helpful if we find out what happened and it may give us some insight as whats happening now.
“Well, he started to delve into a lot of porn, and masturbation, and it has damaged my trust in him. He has stayed away from it for about 8 months now, so he says.”
How can I ask who is keeping him accountable? I know from experience that if he has a porn addiction, he will have to find a brother that close to him to keep him accountable, he can not do it alone. How do I know?…five years ago I was addicted to porn also. Its an ADDICTION. Theres one good way to stop an addiction…that’s to not let yourself get into a situation that you have access to the addiction. Ie: stay away from the computer when alone…etc.
But the BEST way is to tell a friend that’s a Christian and can hold you accountable. Have him call you every once and a while (everyday if needed) and ask if you’ve been clean from porn. If he’s serious about staying away from porn and really repenting, he wont have a problem with someone keeping check on him, he’ll actually be thankful they did at times. God will make sure they call just at the right time to save him.
“But,I still feel very paranoid and worry that he doesn't really want only me. He has gone out to lunch with clients from work, 2 women went with him last time. They showed up at his office again and offered to take him out again(this is a week later).”
Its quite obvious you didn’t trust him. Lets understand first and foremost that theres a spiritual warfare going on out there. Its not just a matter of the flesh (although sometimes it is). Satan is out to steal, kill and destroy. John 10:10
Do you think for a minute Satan wants you to have a happy life together in God??…HECK no…He comes to steal your love for your husband…he comes to kill your trust in him and he comes to destroy your relationship with both your husband and God. Its what he does…and he’s really good at it…look how many years of practice he’s had.
“My husband is very attractive and he says that I am too, he can hardly keep his hands off me. He is 25 and I'm 31.”
This statement tells me you both still love each other a lot, and theres plenty of desire and passion in the marriage.
“I was married before and divorced, my ex got into speed and left me. Am I just crazy for feeling this way?”
Here you have to make sure you don’t carry old feelings into the new relationship. If your new hubby was anything like the old one, you would have never married him. It wouldn’t be fair to new hubby to be compared to old hubby.
“I love God, I pray, and try to grow spiritually, so I can't understand why all this hopelessness creeps in when we have problems, especially when the problems have to do with trust issues. I just feel like dying, so that I won't have to live with this paranoid feeling. Most times, I'm a very happy and positive person, which is why I'm so confused about this negativity that creeps in my mind. Maybe satan is just laughing and having a ball with me right now.”
You answered your own question here. Usually when a person is working hard at growing spiritually, Satan wants to stop you. We call it his deck of trump cards. He has a deck of cards (life situations and/or circumstances) that he throws at you to distract you from getting to know God. A lot of times when a person wants to end their life over a circumstance, there is a particular demon plaguing that person. Satan will throw these cards at you to slow you down and throw you off the hunt for God. He knows which ones push your buttons, and he’ll keep throwing them at you till you figure it out and deal with it correctly. When you figure it out, he starts throwing others at you until he finds another hot button to distract you again. Sometimes its relationships with hubby, sometimes its relationships with your kids, or parents or in-laws…then sometimes its finances, or church doctrine (although, the one you described is very extreme and I’m very glad you got away from it)
“Please pray for me, that this feeling won't last. I've been feeling this way all day, and I'm tired of it. God bless you all for listening to me!!”
I’ve already prayed for you. Keep the link of faith going on your side and we will all surely help you conquer this.
Now here is a copy of my post back to you to try to get some answers to questions before I tried to help you…you cant work on the cure for a medical condition without first diagnosing the problem in the first place…I’m sure you’ll agree with that.
If i may ask a few questions to better get a feel for the problem at hand
May i ask what church you used to go to?
What legalistic issues are you referring to?
And...what church you attend now?
Who is discipling you?
Who is discipling your husband?
I know the answers to most of these questions, however, i want you to type them for a reason
Thanks and good day
If you notice I was very polite in asking the questions. And you could have said, “I’d rather not answer those question” and I would have respected that. And yes Sarah, they were ALL relevant. Maybe not relevant to you, because you had no idea why I was asking these questions. But then you came in long after all these questions were answered
Then you posted this response :
Discipling isn't even a word. It was created by the ICOC to produce an unhealthy culture.
You later came back and clarified what you were saying and it made a lot more sense, but you have to admit, this is a pretty broad and inaccurate statement that is completely off base when first viewed.
who is the ICOC?...and an unhealthy culture?...please...please...please explain THAT one !!!!!
OK…maybe this was a bit shocking, but hey, I was in shock…LOL
Next post by Nooley:
OK this post id going to stray abit from my usual Sugar
coated posts and corrections. But sometimes its needed
Sounds to me like we've found her problem...and my Pastor was correct..all it took was a few good questions.
I did a search for OCIC and here are the results...International Churches of Christ
International Conference of Oriental Carpets
Which one is it?
Both are fairly new and wouldnt account for the 257 mentions of Disciple in the KJV Bible.
Sounds to me like you and your husband need Discipleship...sounds like your husband needs someone in his life to hold him accountable for his actions...and might i add...without signing a contract.
I would like to know who told you OCIC made that word up? cause i know for a fact you didnt make that up on your own...you seem way too intelligent a lady to just take someones word for it and not investigate it for yourself...
Sorry for the straightforwardness (sp?) but that was one of the craziest things i ever read.
OK here I admit I got defensive. I wasn’t frustrated with you, I was frustrated by the deception of satan, that was being used in your life…my apologies for the frustrated post, I can see where I offended you, I did not mean to do that, again I apologize.
Then been there done that comes in and posts a response to me about overzealous brethren…LOL
It was actually kind of funny seeing you have no idea who I am or what I’m about, but you make quick assumptions. But then again, you’ve made wrong assumptions about me before. Again fixing the symptoms never touching the disease.
OK…lets move on shall we?
A part of a post You posted:
“Since disciple means a follower”
Actually the noun means follower…the verb means to teach or be a pupil. I can see where your previous church destroyed your belief in discipleship. But…how could I have known that, only God knows your thoughts. That’s why I was asking those questions in the beginning. To find the root of the problem.
“I was talking about the unhealthy culture that grew in our churches all over the world. We had appointed disciplers. We were accountable everyday. Nothing in our lives was private. We had to tell them everything, and if we didn't, we were labeled "prideful" and "unopen" to advice. Discipleling became more of getting permission rather than spiritual advice and loving counsel. There was tight control over everyone. Instead of having natural loving friendships, they became relationships that were forced and appointed. Thank God I left.”
I am very glad you left also, its frustrating seeing things like this going on and calling it in the name of Jesus. Kind of like Hitler huh?
I am so very sorry you had to go through that. I’m sure God will keep a close protection of you.
“In my first post, I just was venting my emotional status at the time, I surely didn't mean for all this stuff to be hashed out.”
Nothing to worry about. That’s what discussions are for. And when typing with no emotions showing things can be misinterpreted real easy. Just make sure you don’t leave without one of these loving people helping you.
You also posted this:
“Please don't judge me or tell me what I need, when you don't know what the circumstances are.”
When I asked those questions in my first post…that’s what I was trying to establish…your circumstance. As for as telling you what you need. You asked. so I responded.
“I only felt sorry for this girl who stated she felt like dying, and some people seemed insensitive and completely ignored her plea, and more focused on a church she doesnt go to anymore.”
Shelly you came in after everything was out on the table for you to see. If the focus was on the church she doesn’t go to anymore, its because it was the root of the real problem. She admitted that when she said legalistic issues. Its so easy for you to come in after the diagnosis is done.
“The questions that nooley was asking were irrelevent to what this girl was going through with her husband. The problem at hand had more to do with temptations ans struggles in the marriage.”
Youre wrong…you missed the boat completely. Struggles and temptations don’t just appear out of thin air. There are real issues that have to be dealt with. The questions I was asking were aimed at what her and her husband went through at the other church because I could tell there was some pent up animosity in her words. All I tried to do was get her to say what they were so I wouldn’t try to speculate.
“Whether we have people keeping us accountable or not, we're still weak at times and will sin, and it can be depressing and feel hopeless. Being "accountable" doesnt solve everyones problems, its not a quick fix, so to say”
Being accountable to someone for an addiction is the BEST way to stay on top of it. That’s not a quick fix, its getting to the root of the problem. I have been there.
What this all boils down to is a misunderstanding as to what was trying to be accomplished.
If I offended someone, be prepared to forgive me seven times more…cause I wont stop telling people what they need to hear while some of you tell them what they want to hear.
Lets also remember diplomacy comes from the presentation not the substance of the presentation. I don’t think I stepped that far over the line considering the information I was given.
again I am sorry for any feelings i hurt and i hope you find what you seek in Christ