I know precisely how you feel because I do have that little voice in the back of my head telling me, P, you were 177 pounds
last summer, now you are 230 pounds. You were excited when you lost that weight and now look at you. Back in your size 16 pants, when you were in size 12s. You've started over with that diet and you were good for up to two weeks, but you kept falling off. And, yeah, I am thinking about that a lot. I was reading my journal in Fitday, yesterday, seeing how nutty it sounded with all the start-overs and failures, back to back to back. This is only day 3 for me. And it's the start of it, not the end. Am I scared this will fail too? Yeah, some. But I do feel in control. I do feel different from those times I kept starting over with the low-carb/low-fat.
I'd lost something somewhere. I had been in control for more than a year. Gave myself rewards, every once in a while, stuck to my WOE for weeks on end, with minor treats here and there. I totally cut out alcohol for months. But, I dunno, I guess I got cocky or something. Thought I could eat crap for a week, just to congratulate myself for so much success, go out, party, drink too much. That was last summer. I'm pretty sure that's when I had messed up my body chemistry, because, before that time, I didn't even crave carbs so much. I didn't care about bread, sugar, fried foods, none of that. And I didn't have to have a cocktail everytime I went out. I gave myself permission to go off my WOE for about a week, probably a little longer, and I ate everything in sight and went out with my girl and had a lotta bad meals and a lotta cocktails. Thing about it is she must have metabolism from hell, cause she can eat and drink like a fiend and only weighs about 135 pounds
and she's a little shorter than I am. Well, she is a runner also. I'm sure that helps. Anyway, after that, I got back into some bad habits, namely alcohol and junk food. So it was HARD to stop. This past weekend, I must've had like 3000 calories a day with all the crap I ate and drank. By Monday, I was just having another startover, but it was Tuesday morning, when I got on the scale and saw I was up so 241 after having lingered around the mid 230's for months, that got me to crying and slobbering on the bathroom floor for 30 minutes. My b/f slept through the whole thing, but I was having a meltdown. By the time I came out, he'd awakened and could see, even in the dark, something was wrong with me. He asked me what it was and I wouldn't tell him, no matter how much he followed me around, looked into my eyes. I was too embarrassed to admit to him that it was because I'd picked up 5 pounds
in a week. And because I could see myself right back at 300 pounds by the end of this year at the rate I was going. So, I dealt with it on my own. Got him off to work, got my kids off to school, then I got online and started reading up some more on fasting.
I had been reading about fasting, on and off, for a while, but was too afraid to try it because of all the people who have told me how dangerous it would be. But after reading information from different sites and, particularly, after reading so much information on this forum and some of the similar ones on this site, I felt confident enough to at least start a fast. Nah, I wasn't totally prepared when I started this, but I'm keeping track of my blood pressure (I have a home monitor) and I am listening to my body. I haven't ever tried something like this before, on purpose, and this is officially the longest I've ever gone without eating solid food. And, most importantly, I haven't felt this in control in a long while. So, yeah, in spite of this being another try at losing weight, I'm confident in this try and you should be too. 10 days is a REALLY big accomplishment and you've never done THAT before. You are probably more informed now than you have been before and you've learned from past mistakes. We all have. You can do this. All you have to do is maintain your focus. I know that for a fact because when I lost my focus is when I lost my way. I won't let that happen again. I simply won't.