I can appreciate what you say. But you should not judge God by the girl in the supermarket. You should not judge God by fundamentalist preachers or anyone else. God is Good and perfect. Your relationship should be between you and Him. Sin in this world makes many people do things they shouldn't do, that does not take away from the love that you and God can share together.
I will agree with you in one respect, I'm a blinded now. I'm blinded by God's grace. I'm not the same person I was before. I don't really know how it's happened. I live my day with a warm heart. I seek Him often. I hold out my hand for Him to grab and keep me stable. There was a time I would have never believed any of this. But I'm not insane, I'm simply new. I'm whole. I'm happy. I'm fulfilled. I'm hopeful. I'm filled with His love. My marriage has changed. Everything has. I pray that you leave a small section of your heart open for Him. I can tell you have alot to work through and you have alot of issues in the past that cause you pain, but God can get you through it.
I know that I'm not really getting through to you but I would suggest that you read some posts on here by golfegg and especially been there done that. Go to the Christianity Forum
and just start reading. It may not all appeal to you but it might be a start. Also, ask God for peace in your life And always remember, seek and you shall find, Ask and it will be given to you. God Bless you Amberlynn