It is obvious that you are facing many challenges
and are in a low at the moment. This is also a
part of healing and so allowing the emotions to
wash over you and still keep putting one foot in
front of another will still keep you going in a
direction which will ultimately take you where you
wish to go.
From my own experience, I can share that there are
no grand arrivals. Most likely, you will have mile
stones in your healing path, but achieving health
and maintaining it will be a life long adventure.
It will be your choice if you choose to build a
cage around yourself, or to choose to look for the
light in a situation and to creatively come up with
solutions. It is not easy...
I do not know if you are a spiritual person, but
for me, meditation and prayer have really opened
the doors which I then found the courage to walk
through. It is the hardest journey I have ever
made but also it has been the most empowering.
I was diagnosed with colon cancer in 1997 after
denying symptoms for three years. I choose to go
the holistic route and fortunately my naturopath
was kind enough to tell me it would most likely
be a seven year process. I am at year ten and feel
like I am doing cleanup now based on all my previous
work. I have done so many parasite
cleanses I have
lost count. It took me three years to really come
clear of systemic candida. I want to say also that
I have never had a vaginal yeast infection in my
life but sure took plenty of Antibiotics
my blood and body was full of yeast. The diet for
the candida was not so expensive as it was a challenge
to say no over and over to myself to the foods which
encourage growth of candida. I am on my third month
in as many years. I finally feel like I am
turning a huge corner in my healing journey.
I have spent most of my savings saving my life and
most of my life's *stuff* is in storage and has been
for 10 years. I do live with friends and most of my
previous dreams have been released. I opened myself
to my healing path fully and found so much to live
for. That seemed to be a pivotal motivation, to have
something to live for. My strongest desire is to get
back to Missouri and my daughter. That has been my
heart challenge, to only see her once or twice a
year. I beat myself up about it some but not much
since I am doing what I need to do to save my life.
Rest assured, you will face choices which you do not
want to make but may choose anyway since without
health, you are not living, but slowly dying.
I would encourage you to home school yourself in
alternative health and really get in touch with
your own health history and hopefully be able to
discern some of your current issues which you want
to address. Decide to be patient. Become compassionate
with yourself and accept that you will not find your
solutions in a week or a month long cleanse. You
need to clean up your blood, strengthen your immune
system and then by adding food and water and exercise,
your body will achieve the level of function and
sense of wellness you seek.
Brainstorm and pull out all stops on creativity to
help manifest the assets you need to help you make
these changes. Like I said, I have prayed for doors
to open and have done some jobs I never could have
imagined. I was paid 10 bucks an hour just to go
shopping with one woman and to *visit* with her.
I worked in a health food store for a while which
I never imagined I would ever do. I even was a nanny
for a few years which in a strange way helped me
take a life long dream off my plate since I cared
for 2 teenage boys and as the mother of an only
daughter, I always regretted not having any sons.
I realized I would have been a great mom to boys and
totally enjoyed that experience, AND it was healing.
Find the ounce of courage you have floating somewhere
in your gut to not give in to your vision of what
is holding you back and what you can't do, and work
instead to focus on what you can do, and what lays
outside your current comfort zone which may benefit
you. Ask friends for suggestions and help. Perhaps
consolidate debt, perhaps take on another job. Look
at your spending habits and see where money is being
spent that could be spent better or put to relieving
your financial stress.
I put a couple of signs up wherever I land. One says,
"Expect a Miracle", and the others says, "Make Yourself
Comfortable". I really work at living in the now and
do not focus on my future since I realize I could never
have imagined making it this far, much less by the
means I have. I do pray. I do meditate. I do expect
doors to open and for solutions to come with the
inspiration I pray for.
Release all fear. Imagine your worse case scenario and
become okay with it. I have slept in my car many times
and have scrounged for change in my van ashtray to buy
myself a piece of fruit. My biggest asset was my will
not to let it get me down and like I said, if you can
find it in yourself to face your future with hope and
faith, you may really be surprised in a good way.
My current gig, which you can read about in my profile,
has provided me finally with some stability and a way
to save my income. I should be able to realize my
dream of getting back to Missouri and my friends and
family and even get a place of my own. It has been a
ten year journey and an answer to all my prayers.
There will be times when you are a river of tears, there
will be times you find victory and are on top of the
world. Savor the range of your being-ness and fall in
love with yourself. Most of us treat others better than
we treat ourselves. It is through self-exploration and
self-compassion that we find the ways to treat ourself
well and find our healing.
I wish you much success on your healing path~~
be happy, be well,