so-- I've been celibate since Thanksgiving, and I've told myself that I want a two year timeout to resolve to health issues, concentrate on me, better focus on school, and to retrain myself not to jump into sex and love.
I'm doing pretty good. It's not really a hardship thus far at the eight month mark although I do find myself flirting with the idea of going out on a few not-really-dates to just have some flirtatious contact with a guy. I miss spending time with someone, doing things like cooking for them and massaging them (and getting massaged or getting special treats in return.) Loneliness encroaches, and yet... I handle it. Like today instead of doing the same ol' same ol', I decided to go to costplus and look at pretty things (without buying! <---buying sometimes fills up the loneliness for me) That didn't work so I drove around and ended up going to farmer's market-- bought flowers for myself, walked around in the flow of people, and just let myself concentrate on seeing rather than concentrate on thinking about "being seen". I even treated myself to a twenty minute table massage at one of the booths and then went and got dinner and ate at the bar while reading the local paper. I went home and listened to good music with candles lit(I recommend pandora.com for internet streaming. Try the artist Regina Spektor :) and did autumn type home chores-- moving around a few furniture pieces, trimming my flowers I'd bought, and even laughing at the dog who I'd bought a ham bone for.
anyways-- that's just to kind of "place" my question even though I went on a bit. I realize I have a lot of healing to do, relationship-wise, and just...world-wise. I really feel like I'm turning into a cynic and I sense and feel very deeply that evil is overcoming good in this world. The tide is turning no matter how many blessings and energy emanations I send out.
It would be nice if pluto's historic movement would assuage a bit of this, but my question is:
Is Pluto going to influence me to shuck my two year plan and go about willy-nilly free to the idea of falling in love with the next guy I meet, or is it more likely that this time is a time for me to heal in an entire-self way that often is distracted by a relationship?
I'm confused and so thought I'd offer that up.