Do I recognize where you are!!!
You are halfway.
You are at the point where you can righteously pat yourself on the back, and use that as incentive for the other half of the trek.
Number one...you are entitled to rant, or cry...time-limited to 15 minutes at a stretch.
Rules of ranting dictate that no one, NO ONE, offers suggestions, or sympathy...only applause at how well you did the rant.
Ranting is your time for getting rid of excess and misplaced energy...nothing more and nothing less. (Misplaced energy leads nowhere, except to bad feelings.)
Other things you can do are...
...Beat the heck out of a rolled up newspaper, against your kitchen counter (the only piece of furniture strong enough to take it).
...Punch the heck out of an old pillow.
...Take a nice warm bath.
All of the above limited to 15 minutes...because the objective is to dissipate excess energy which is focussed, at the moment, on the negative. Negatives only get you more of what you DON'T want. We get, or see, what our energy is focussed on.
And, there is a certain way to focus on the positive, in a gentle way. Worry is not it.
You got a printer? Print out your posts, and use scissors to cut out your best compliments to yourself and your talents.
Or...read through and jot down your best things. Include NOTHING of your woes...N.O.T.H.I.N.G. (Those belong to your rant, and your rant is over. You are in that delicious state of emptiness where you will find your true self.)
Pat yourself on the back for the fact that you said so much about your talents. That's the sign that you are at least halfway 'there'...where you want to be.
Money is prominent right now. Okay, do for yourself what you would advise for a dear friend. You could go to a financial counselor, but that costs, and you can do a better job than any counselor. All they do is talk to your creditors, anyway, and get them off your back. The way counselors do this is to wave SOME money at them. A bird in the hand is worth two birds that flew away.
Begin with your boyfriend, or any other sources of income you can depend on. "I am turning this around. Would you be willing to help on a regular, reliable basis?"
"I plan to be able to swing one six-pack per week for you by XXX date; and pheasant under glass for lunch three months later."
This will likely accomplish two goals...get you income on a regular basis, and leave him no room to comment...except maybe to compliment you on your progress...and something for him to look forward to.
Another source of regular income might be friends who want to see you get on your feet. You could sell your services to them. Regular babysitting, dog-walking, sewing, etc...cheerfully done.
You could become a recycler. Find sources of 'deposit-bearing' bottles and cans, and agree to pick them up on a regular basis. Visit the depot which buys them from you to see which and what they take. (You may need earmuffs.) You won't believe how much money there is in recycling...of all kinds! Gather and sort.
Then, work out your budget...paying yourself first. That's your carrot, your incentive.
Pay your fixed and necessary expenses, next. Then divide the rest of your obligations into percentages of your income. That way they can't get away from you. If your income drops, for some reason, so do the payments you are making.
Now, SELL this program to your creditors...one at a time. Believe me, a creditor would much rather have something, than nothing. And they will truly appreciate you coming to them, not having to chase you, and not having to turn over 1/3 of what you pay to a collection agent.
Never mind any 'face' or 'comments' a creditor may flash, they can't help it...they are so used to it.
When you have worked out your budget, you will see whether it can be done or not.
If not, then rapidly decide if you can increase your income, or file for bancruptcy.
You probably know as much as I do about these things, but I would like to stress the importance of speed to you. You have only so much nerve to spend, as you can see by the way you feel in your rant.
And stretching your nerve is not only no fun, but a health hazzard. Far better to be straight-forward and do what must be done...immediately.
You know the stance you must take...and you know that it doesn't last forever. You can always come to your friends to rant, cry, or gloat...and get the admiration you need and deserve.
There aren't many who have what it takes to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, Want2be. You are one of a select group.
As for the emotional stuff...you could dig that till the cows come home, and never find as great a help as a good budget will give you, and the decisions you will make.
Deciders always prosper, because they rely on their best instincts. And without the 'striving' that tires, and disappoints.
When you need soothing, come back here, and say so. Don't even bother with 'why' you need it, unless you need another 15-minute rant. We will nod wisely, and cheer your every forward step.
Go, Want2be! (Love your name!)