A long time ago I read what I thought, at first, was the most callous recommendation for handling a child's disastrous experience possible.
At first, I was very angry.
It said that, if a child has been badly hurt, to keep smiling and laughing with them. Do not show them, in any way, that this was a disastrous event.
(I nearly lifted off my chair at that!)
Reading further, the article went on to explain that the MOST important person in 'big trouble' is the child. ...That the child, most of all, needs to feel they are unchanged, loving, loved, and lovable, whole and wholesome, no matter WHAT has happened.
...That the event is of no major consequence (or blame) to the child, no more than if they had been in an accident and that you are so glad they came back to you...as his or herself...ready to resume their life and happiness.
(I settled back onto my upholstery.)
I think it is true that a child must internalize disasterous events, accepting that they must be 'different' IF their caretaker and mainstay reacts in an unexpected/unusual/alarming/upset way.
Sher made a movie about the mother of a boy with a deformed face...and the physical and emotional pain the lad suffered. Apparently it was a true story. True or not, the way she portrayed the mother's capacity to soothe and save the boy from agony was a joy to behold.
That's what we all aspire to, isn't it? No matter our wisdom and life experiences, at the time of a child's need, we want to rise to the occasion.
Sometimes we do...and that's when we know why we live.