Avoidance, of course it's avoidance. If the magic isn't there right from the start why pretend it is and just hurt her and myself because it doesn't work. That's exactly why I avoided the intimacy. I thought you girls would understand that. Honesty right up front, right from the start. Why be intimate with someone when you know its not there in the first place. They knew it too. And I just can't use people like that. Never been able to do that. So we would go out and have some fun together. Dining, lakeshore, golf, stock car races, etc.
And I'm not setting myself up for some more heartbreak. I have no unrealistic dreams of hooking up with my old love and walking hand and hand into the sunset. I'd like to see her again but I'm pretty sure we wouldn't get along now. I'm much too politically incorrect. She sold out for the money and status. Her own sister calls her the "rich bitch". So I have no illusions about her. But I do know what I discovered with her and that is what I want. Of course it doesn't have to be with her. And if it never happens again this lifetime it won't be a big heartbreak thing. I did survive terminal so all of life is rather exciting for me now.
But you know, its a funny thing. I haven't said a thing about this forum I'm doing with you folks to my wife. Haven't said a word. Haven't talked at all about the problems of our relationship. But apparently she's picking up on it because she has become very interested in me. Very loving, very open and caring and productive. You know, normal. She's even having fun at it too. Its wonderful to see.
I gave her no ultimatums, no harsh words, no though talk. All I've been doing is expressing myself with you folks. And she's changing right before my very eyes. Must be that sixth sense you girls have. Which I picked up in the war by the way. The only question now is, is it genuine, is it really love or did she sense that I was giving up on the whole thing?
I had no formal plans to get out of the relationship. I just figured if it was the same ole thing by next Spring I couldn't see hanging around the rest of my life. I might have said this before. I just want to see her happy. And if I'm making her so miserable, well, that ain't necessarily an easy thing to sit around and watch. She seemed to have a whole lot more fun before I came into her life. No self critisism on my part just objective observation. What would you do if you made someone sick and miserable? She was pretty happy and productive before I came along.
And give me some credit girls. I'm not a rookie in life. I've always treated women very good. Just got a call from my ex-wife from florida this morning. (been divorced for 10 years) Her best friend needs some of my services. She wasn't hesitant to call at all. We had a nice little chat and now I can help her best friend. That's a good thing. Yes, she's been happily married for several years now. No problem.
And Harleygyrl, I have read and viewed most of what you mention. Figuring I'm doing something wrong. But you're both right, there are people out there that use other people. I know that full well on a political and profesional level but I never applied it to marriage. I'll take responsibility for that and carry on.
But most of all I don't think either one of you really understand how much I appreciate your efforts. Just being able to speak freely about all this and get sound advise is a rare thing and has helped tremendously.