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Re: Long post/My personal experience, I hope this can help
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Published: 16 years ago
This is a reply to # 103,844

Re: Long post/My personal experience, I hope this can help

wonderful post. And I'm sure it will help a lot.

About the question of why the bottle, and is Mom 'controlling', I've known a few women (including my sister) who didn't want children, and or, didn't like the idea of breast-feeding. (And the idea of 'consenting' to having children struck me as maybe relevant.) The One friend never really bonded with her child, and although she wanted to feel as I did about my son,(whom I felt a great connection with, a great respect for) it just 'didn't happen' for her. Her baby was always fussing, and her sense of when to feed him was all mixed up, becoming almost something to shut him up. I think her breast milk was actually somewhat toxic for the baby- it was a vicious circle for the two of them. As for my sister, she had the curious sense that nursing was a little like the baby being a parasite. It was something she could never see herself doing. For a long time she was very career-minded, and it was only as she approached 40 that she began to yearn for a child. She now has a gorgeous little girl she adores, adopted. I think she's a great Mom, but the breast-feeding thing was never an issue for her. *Everything* gets passed into milk. Not only 'food' as in some things that Mom can eat baby doesn's like -- but emotion too. And so much we don't have ways to measure. That said, I would not want to add to any mother's anguish, by heaping blame on her.
I'm thinking, like the previous poster, the combination of soy and breast-milk is confusing to the system. And I really don't understand the part about not directly breast-feeding. If- like my sister, she is repelled somehow by the idea, then that repulsion is in her milk. But, when it comes down to it, if your sister's baby is getting more peace with this drug, and she's getting more peace too, I can understand her 'listening' to the doctors. I had never heard of such a thing as meds. for an infant's acid reflux -- so I really appreciate hearing the twins' mother's
story. It is humbling to hear about such patience and care. It *is* hard work, and I wouldn't get between any mother and her child either.

I guess I just wanted to say, that I agree, we should view babies as simply in small bodies. I knew when I first saw my son that I'd known him before. The bonding of mom and baby is a complex thing. It might be worth asking Andreas about this-- he often has an interesting viewpoint, such as a previous relationship between the two people.

Probably though, he'd say the mother would have to be the one asking for guidance.
As her sister, there probably isn't much you can do, besides support her choices, unless she asks.


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