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Thoughts on Forgiveness, EDITED
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Published: 16 years ago

Thoughts on Forgiveness, EDITED

I participate in several forums, not just at Cure Zone, and have observed a prevalent psychological trend of agreement seeking behavior among forum members everywhere.

Dissenting opinions are almost universally percieved as personal attacks. Condemnation is typically used in attempt to control and/or eliminate disagreement. Everything is all nice and fun when people are in agreement, but the wrath of hell breaks loose when they aren't. Out of the norm, and radical ideas are often judged to be ignorant, stupid, disrespectful, short-sighted, sick, and/or psychotic.

Wonder what it would be like if everyone could read about differences of opinion, without taking the opposing viewpoints as a personal affront? Wonder what would happen if people automatically presumed that a reported physical expression of affection was non-sexual, rather than perverse?

Would forums get boring and give up the ghost? Is it the controversy that makes these places interesting? Do people come around for an adrenaline rush? One thing is for sure, ending the hostility that is generated by dissenting voices, would definitely require everyone to exercise present moment forgiveness.

First you'd have to forgive someone for not agreeing with you and expressing support of your opinion. Then you'd have to forgive yourself for not being able express yourself in a way that evokes complete agreement from everyone. Seems to me the vehement resentment for disagreement cooks down to a residual discomfort with the inherent imperfection of being human.

Although I'm still mad at Socrates (grin/wink), for being such a gadfly that the only option he had left, was to drink poison hemlock and kill himself, it is also my good misfortune to choose a fringe element stance, and stir the pot of contention with regard to social mores.

I beg of this society, to tell me what is wrong with a room full of consenting adults taking some time off work to relax, rejuvenate, and have fun by piling up like puppies, playing like children, and basking in the innocent freedom, of expressing non-sexual physical affection for one another, while fully clothed?

I, for one, haven't had sexual intercourse with anyone in a long time. The opportunity to experience touch and nurturing in the safe company of people, who are not trying to cop a feel, fondle my genitals, or work themselves up for a climax, is a tremendously healing experience. If I'd invited a date over to cuddle with me in private, it would have turned into a struggle. He would have been determined to convince me that it's time for me to give up my vow of abstinence, and told me that I needed to go see a psychiatrist, if I didn't want to have sex with him, yet.

But in a fully clothed, non-sexual group environment, there was none of that. I could simply relax and enjoy touching and being touched without feeling obligated or pressured to become sexually engaged. More people should do it.

One of my favorite tantra teachers, the late OSHO, said that, "Until the naturalness of sex is accepted, nobody can love anybody." The reason mention of a cuddle party automatically makes people uncomfortable, is because society is so sexually repressed that it can't imagine a group of people touching each other affectionately in a non-sexual manner. And that is precisely why so many marriages fail.

Sexual activity (unless it occurs because spontaneous passionate desire has arisen within the context of an abundance of non-sexual physical affection) quickly becomes a source of strife for everyone concerned. Those who find themselves obligatorily accomodating such expectations on a repeated and regular basis, are prone to becoming ornery, tired and/or depressed. Partners who aren't getting their (percieved) sexual needs met, resent the fact that they are married to somebody, who isn't willing to do their marital duty.

It always happens when one of the reasons people get married, is because they want somebody else to touch their genitals for them. If you think it's sinful for you to touch yourself there, then nobody is going to be able to do it for you, without taking on your sense of shame. And if both people feel it's sinful, there is a double negative feedback loop that causes the sense of shame to increase exponentially. Too many people think marriage comes with the right to have sex on a repeated and regular basis. It does not. Anybody who feels that way, needs to practice self-pleasuring and heal the shame about self-gratification. One of my favorite teachers says the best way to become a better lover, is to become a better masturbator. Amen I say!

A friend of mine, who is an ecstatic, teaches orgasmic living classes. I know the word "orgasmic" freaks a lot of people out. But the classes I am talking about have nothing to do with genital friction or touching anybody. It has everything to do with celebrating the fact that every living thing comes into being and is sustained by sexual energy. Sexual energy is the source energy, the chi, the life force, the kundalini rising. Flowers are the genitals of plants. See their beauty, how they grow.

I, on the other hand, am more interested in exploring and expanding on the ideas of Gurdjieff, as (mis?)interpreted by Bennet, in the book Sex. In order for a couple to function normally in the ideal sense, they must be able to attain mutual simultaneous sexual pleasure of equal measure. Otherwise the relationship will be out of balance. Is there someone who has never wondered "Is that all there is? What went wrong? Something is missing!" after having sexual intercourse? Is there a sexually active person anywhere, who has not longed for a more satisfying and fulfilling sexual union? If so, please write a book about how you have sex, because I want to read it.

And if not, please forgive me for planting the seed of a possibility that it can happen, and for inviting everyone to imagine such a thing, and to dwell upon the feeling that it has already happened, while falling asleep at night, as it is my good misfortune, and spiritual obligation to make such a suggestion, despite widespread resistance to the idea. If I am not stirring things up, I am not making a difference. And God forbid that I should ever enable the status quo, especially with regard to sexual mores.

Before anyone lets their imagination run wild and starts getting worked up to do things they may come to regret, rest assured that this is NOT an invitation for people to join me in mutual self-gratification fantasies on the astral plane. I am not into ethereal orgies, and I am not a spiritual polygamist. I am a (serial?) monogamist, and I am not accepting applications for partnership at this time. The invitation is for you to assume the feeling that you have already accomplished a fulfilling relationship with someone who is appropriate for you, and go to sleep with a sense of satisfaction that it is so, thus exercising the law of creativity to manifest a relationship that is right for you.

Fantasy is the number one destroyer of real passion in a relationship. In order to open a portal for divine love to enter your energy field, fill your heart, illuminate your soul, and completely satisfy your being, you must be fully present with your chosen partner when you make love. If your mind wanders, even for an instant, you will lose the opportunity to glimpse eternity via ecstatic union in that very moment.

If you have never practiced self-pleasuring without fantasizing about somebody else, the invitation is for you to make love to yourself, as the divine lover within you. View your beauty through his/her eyes. Look at the loveliness of your hands touching your body. Bask in the exquisite softness of your own skin. Learn to appreciate the appearance, the feel and the glory of your own touch. The surest way to become magnetically attractive to another, is to cherish yourself.

Use this affirmation to bring genuine love and intimacy into your life: "There is a divine and sacred holy person, who is the most appropriate partner for me. We recognize each other when we see each other. We are ready to be in relationship with each other." If you fantasize about anyone other than your divine beloved, it will postpone your meeting and recognition of the blessedly right one for you.

In order to have an experience of completion on all levels, you must be willing to do the work of purification on all levels. Purification includes the elimination of fantasies that serve to separate your true self from reality, and postpone the arrival of genuine intimacy in your life.


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