Re: Raped a decade ago
Well, this "forgiving" of your tormentor/attacker (not talking about someone who is still attacking) is philosophical. If "forgiving" works for some people, it doesn't mean everyone is ready to do the same.
Forgiving an attacker is subconsciously/philosophically like saying that what they did is okay.
Of course, what I'm saying is politically incorrect,...ok, next time someone beats your head in, I should say to you "So what?, that doesn't bother ME, just forgive them" (or did you want empathy/compassion?). It's not very nice to EVER tell someone to forgive, it should be ONLY their personal decision of whether [or not] to do so, The Lord will be patient.
Every bad happening in this world takes time to get over and it is different for everyone. Other people have to accept the fact that you're angry about what happened (and allow it). People have to validate your anger (let you know that your anger is JUSTIFIED and will not be met with disapproval or scorn...because you really were not the one who did wrong).
Forgiving your attacker doesn't really make sense, it's like putting yourself down and saying that it was good for them to attack you because you are deserving by nature of attacks (self-hatred). I'm fully aware of what God says about forgiveness, I'm a Christian, forgiveness is a personal matter and means that you shouldn't be bloodthirsty and seek an "unjust" (how many GOOD people cry for justice?) PENALTY against the person.
Rape is a terrifying ordeal and emotionally traumatizing, but NOTHING is stolen of who you are and you (mind, heart, and soul) remain the same person as always.
The reason this torment has lasted ten years is because nobody ever simply ACCEPTED and approved your anger, everybody was just saying "oh that's terrible, now just forgive them and get it over with because I don't want to hear any of your whining". How's that for your "Christian forgiving"? (TRUE sorrow/compassion would be nice for a change?).
I'm a child of divorced parents. Before I was 10, it was obvious to me that my parents were not a "match made in heaven". They first separated when I was 15 and divorced years later. It's not just that I grew in constant shock that I was expected to enjoy life, it's that I subconsciously knew that I was born by mistake and my mind knew that I shouldn't exist. A person's childhood is VERY important because they are learning how to live and understand life.
So, the children don't just need financial support, they need to know that they really are welcome on this earth and that they "belong". But before you can give them moral support, you have to straighten out your own head and realize that you are not deserving of dreams, regret, reputation/shame, guilt, or being haunted by the past in any way. You will never recieve any disapproval from me in any way, you are a survivor, strong and triumphant (you just didn't know/realize it).
My father suffered shellshock in the second world war. A warm, just and righteous man will be effected by the insanity of war. You have been effected by the insanity of what you suffered.