wow,you actually met the first p 0 r n star in the business?? that's kinda cool in a way but it must have been troublesome using all that anti-bacterial soap after shaking her hand each time as well as disinfecting all of the utensils she has used.I guess it's always a bad sign when you give a guest a tooth brush and the brissles bend themselves backwards to avoid becoming 'infected' lol.
Yeah,I never really I mean truly thought about girls in other terms other then mating material or just as objects.I have been exposed to so much of the female psychology and physiology that it's kind of a shock to me.It's all the more intriguing and fascinating as well as troublesome and frightening,even bizarre.There are alot of attractive ones in my immediate work area and it's kinda strange seeing their rituals everyday,from the little things like seemingly endless strokes of their silky straight pantene proV hair to their ever lasting day dreaming as they gaze off into outer space listening to some slow cheesy romantic music (drives me up the wall!) I have never noticed how really feminine mannerisms are really like until I have seen some of these girls..it's like ,a whole different world...I appreciate it and enjoy being around it,it just seems really odd to me yet very intriguing.
I am glad on some days that I work with soo many females because it allow me to learn how to just deal with them in a non-sexual level and actually see them as human beings and people and not just things to put my wiener in and hump then sleep on top of or sneak away from once they are asleep.
I know what you mean about the p 0 r no..I have watched so much of it that it's starting to rot my brain! I actually imagine alot of the girls I met in all these ridiculous sexual scenarios and p 0 r n like situations,I will sometimes see a girl and maybe even judge her an assume she is all these types of things without even knowing her.I know it's bad but it's just want has begun to happen.
I seem to have sexual energy that goes all over the place and it's like everyone
gets wrapped up into it without realizing what's going on.There is a new girl that I have caught making blush,but I still have no rhyme nor reason in what I did or what
exactly effected her.This has happened to a few other people but I still am clueless in what I am actually doing to cause these reactions.
umm,gross..I even caught that one lady I was angry at (two faced leech of a woman)
totally oogling me and as well as coming on to me today and a few times before..
I am like,umm..eww? lol.
I wish I knew my appeal,so I could bottle it up,magnify it and give it more conscious
power.Not that I would be this great manwhore or anything but I do enjoy the attention,just not so haphazardly or out of my control.
Oh hey,that brings me to another point.I have been emailing(work email lol) this girl i have been crushing on since I had begin working there.The thing is,she is nothing how like I imagined her to be,even in how she looks lol.From afar and from the side she looks so different then up close and from the front..it's like a totally different person and NOTHING like how I have idealized her though I find it so troubling how I loose all focus and composure when either thinking about approaching her or just being near her.I don't really like her but I am drawn to her for some mysterious reason or another,she's quiet,to herself and projects a certain coolness even coldness about her that I pretend to have.She is beautiful in her own right but not like how I imagined her,though she has a great body lol..nice square shoulders,a tiny waist,wide hips and a sultry frame.I know it sounds funny to describe a girl in such a masculine way but she does have a masculine independent streak in her and how she is built.
I don't know,I used to like her alot..been chatting with her for like two days
but when it comes down to actually being in front of her and speaking,relating..I feel like both running away and bouncing around like a crazed loon,the energy that
girls bring about in me when I am interested in whatever is so raw and untamed..it's
so overwhelming at times.I often think that I am too intense for most and my energy will just scare them away..