so here I am..again..drunk..about to get high.Someone said that there is no depth in happiness,not saying that I am happy or anything right now but a clear conscience at least.I am not sure if it is contentment or contemptment but I don't really need nor want anything in my life..not even love,sex or relationships or whatever..I don't get it,I thought it was sexual confidence and the abitlity to be attractive and get the attention of the opposite sex,to be sure of my sexuality and my identity in being whom I really am..but in the end,who cares? why does it really matter? because right here right now,buzzing and bored off my rocker- I just don't know anymore..I made some sort of contact with a girl I have been wanting to say hi to for so long,I could have gotten her number and even a date with her,I have alot of things I could possibly want and have made goals for..a great job,great income,things I want,my health,my mind..but its just seems like something is missing and it sure as hell is more then an orgasm or anything to do with getting off..it feels like I just want to drink,sleep,get high and eat junk food and drink red bulls all day..I don't know why I just do,I feel like I am in a slump..
I am getting a new sports car this summer,though I am excited..it's just not something I think will do me anymore good then anything else I have wanted and got but in the long run it did nothing..toys,digital movie projectors,electronics,movies etc..for instance,I wanted to talk to that girl I have been messaging for soooo
long,now that i have it it's like I no longer even want it or like her..it's like I'd rather think about her and want to want her than actually having her.my balls stink,I need to take a shower.I am so lost it's not even funny..maybe I just need more booze,some drugs and a long long nap followed by a binge on taco bell...
well at least I am enjoying myself (pun?)