bah ,screw it..I am just going to ask this one hot lil chica I have been scoping out and chatting with online at work during the slow times.I am just going to go out with her,be myself in all of my glory and shittiness and prove to myself that there is in fact nothing there and that I am not ready nor even able to have a relationship right now,nor really even able to deal with nor be responsible for another persons feelings...I don't care if things work out or not,it's more of one of my 'social experiments' that I do sub-consciously but I am dealing with this one consciously.
I just want to show myself that there is nothing there and there is no chemistry and not even my imagination or what I want to happen or expect to happen doesn't always come out the way I expect them to (butterflies,chemistry,sparks etc.) so I can stop thinking about this dumb bitch and go on with my life lol.
okay,I like her but I don't know why,she has an awesome body but she carries herself in a very independent and aloof way that drives me crazy,she is not the most pretty girl out of many I have seen but she has alot of depth and character,I can tell..she both intrigues me yet frightens me at the same time,not sure why.I am just going to go out with her and be on my worst behavior just to shut her up and out...i know this sounds like a bad idea but i'd rather have a good time,not take it so seriously and even if things don't work out and there is no chemistry or better yet she says NO,then it saves me not only money but the trouble of taking her out in the first place.If you haven't noticed already,i am masking my excitment with contempt,but in actuality i want things to go well..either way,good or bad..it sure beats the heck out of sitting here just thinking about her..maybe i'll get lucky and get to feel her up or maybe a hand job out of it..who knows? lol