i got it..somewhere along the lines I forgot about trying to fit in,be liked or a part of the crowd.I have always done my own thing,not ever seeking approval or a braggart (hard to believe with my posts eh? lol) ..somehow out of all of this,i have been able to retain alot of my youthfulness,sure,and some immature traits as well but i think alot of use are immature in our own little ways.it feels like i am really still only 19 both in my mind and my body,interests and goals.
I think it was that really bad break up with the love of my life that stunted my emotional/mental and physical development,it's like I am stuck in time lol.
i also like to be 'liked',i like the attention i get from the opposite sex..i kinda
thrive on it,even if i don't like them nor want them.i like to be and feel desired,
don't know why but i just like those feelings..i have always been aware of my effect
on others but not to this magnitude only because i just have never been exposed to
soo many attractive members of the opposite sex so often,i just became more aware of it.
i know i sound like this great big self-absorbed douche bag,but alot of this stuff is all really new to me and it's kinda exciting in a way,eventhough most have already figured it all out by my age lol.