Hiya Ry-baby-kins! See now that we've chatted before, I can give you awful nicknames! lol
Awww, why frowny face? Ach, this is very similar to other posts and I think you've read many perspectives that have to do with this already. Part of me wants to say work yourself out first and part wants to say DON'T LET FEAR GET IN THE WAY OF LOVE (even if it's not ultimate love but a nice relationship with someone you like/care about). So what I will say is: if you do go for it, do your very best not to take stuff out on her or if you do after you two have been involved for a bit, use that to explain to her who you are and what is happening underneath. You could write to her since you've never opened up this stuff to a girlfriend (I think that's right) or even show her this post (again, I'm talking about after you two have been involved and then you go and be an asshat). Perhaps it would scare her away or perhaps she is strong enough to hang around and whether the storm for the good stuff you have to offer.
Good luck, and of course we'll be here to see how things go!
BTW, I read something incredibly profound: where you are stuck in one relationship is where you're stuck in all of them. You seem to have made that same connection by linking this situation with your resentment towards your mother. It also means if you are able to fix that relationship, that will spill over to all your other ones as well. :-)