I am not sure about the whole,selfless/selfish stuff but as far as the girl goes
I am planning on getting to know her still and just allowing myself to actually
genuinely have feelings for her if they become present.I am so used to idealizing
people and live inside my mind,when in reality conflicts arise- I will blame them
for everything in my life that is wrong and just blame them for making me feel like shit.I do it to my parents,old friends etc. I really do like this girl but unfortunately she also brings about the monster known as insecurity along right
with her and it's so overwhelming to deal with.I am partially angry for feeling
this way because in a way I feel so out of control.I also have a hard time accepting
the fact that I do like her,though may not be able to explain why.So used to justifying and rationalizing things in my life to make sense,she is the only thing that
I can't compartmentalize and it freaks me out.I like her and I don't know why I know
that I just do..I wish I could just accept it and not fight it so much.
She terrifies me,because she makes me loose control inside sometimes and THAT
freaks me out.