I recently found this below and i resonated with it very deeply. i saw myself in this. it has been very clarifying for me. i thought i would share it with others who might see themselves in it as well. the more aware i become of these types of patterns within myself the more i make the conscious choice not to follow them. until they are brought into my awareness there is not choice, but when the AWARENESS is there, the CHOICE becomes available.
i see my self having done this kinda doubting thing with so many health therapies in the past that i have tried ---and then trying something else, and then something else--
i also have seen some of these same emotional patterns coming up for me with this mms protocol-- i am so happy that i have caught this in myself-- the timing is perfect--
so, i am very thankful i found this below recently (thru my yoga teacher). this i why i am sharing it here, in case anyone else can see themself in it also, and come to some sort of an 'AH-ha' as i have.
thanks for listening. hope this made some sense --- well, it did for me (especially that latter part of it).
Healing as a Threat - The Auto-immune Disorder of the Soul
by Lynn Jerhiico
For the last year I have been working with a dilemma - the client obsessed with the healing process who never heals. Some of these individuals find one healer and work with them forever even when the work does not lead to any lasting benefit. Others engage with a vast variety of healers and therapies without a strategic healing plan and an assessment process . Both groups are usually very knowledgeable and well-read but are highly emotional in their unsuccessful pursuit of healing.
I want to share my thoughts on the clients who work with many different healers and healing modalities.
Healing work takes consistency, commitment and attention from both healing partners. Since I am a generalist and intuitive I recognize the need for a healing relationship that functions as the organizing strategic and tactical center for the engagement and comprehensive assessment of healing needs, resources and benefits. I work to provide this for my clients. Without this centering perspective the healing process becomes impulsive and compulsive - a dynamic where research, choices and reactions lose focus and effectiveness. Not enough time to is given to any one healing process to achieve lasting transformations or results.
There is a profile of the "juggler" client. They are always juggling many healing processes and many healers, tossing balls in the air, catching and holding balls, dropping balls, picking up dropped balls and finding new balls. These individuals are always quite brilliant/gifted. Many of them had "ill" mothers and emotionally absent fathers. Many of them had mothers that worked with a number of healing modalities often beyond traditional forms for themselves or one or more of their children. The parent/child dynamic is focused on being ill and seeking, but not finding wellness, happiness, stability. It is as if being ill is always trumping being well. This dynamic impacts the adult life of the child. Healing would be a betrayal of the parent but seeking healing is loyalty to the parent or family system.
This is an auto-immune disease in the soul - any potential healing is perceived as potential threat or harm and emotional antibodies are released to create doubt, resistance or abandonment of the healing process. These antibodies have intellectual, sympathetic or practical rationales that are quite powerful in their justifications. However, they are auto-immune responses and need to be confronted and understood as such to move to authentic healing.
Truly, without first addressing the auto-immune soul disorder, the sufferer will succeed only in continuing to suffer and remaining loyal to a family dynamic of seeking and not finding. Sadly, I don't know any juggler who has succeeded in recovering well-being.
I am working on a set of guidelines to support these individuals. If you identify with this disorder or love someone who suffers with it, please email me. I would love to know your story and your questions. by Lynn Jerhiico---