Girlfriends past..

So yea, its been 7 months now with my girlfriend and She is nice. She says she loves me, and I think I do too.. But I hurt still knowing of her past... mostly because of an abortion she had with an ex of hers... he's now engaged with another girl from what I hear, but I have this feeling of jealousy in me... I wish I could of met her first... but I guess that's what a lot of people say about their partners.. Anyways, there is this feeling I have that she isn't 100% mine. I feel like we shouldn't of even been.. Had she had let nature and the universe play its role she would have a half caucasian half chinese baby girl or boy... I am jealous and sad for her. Now she claims she hates kids.. Sounds like a cover up.. A way to cope with what she's done to her baby. A way to rationalize why it was ok to desecrate her beautiful body.. I am jealous, and in a way, I almost feel bad for her ex.. From what she tells me, he did indeed love her... but he was probably just used for the sex, who knows..maybe all this thinking is making me look at her in a negative way.. Am I wrong to think about it so much? She's not 100% mine.. I don't know what a woman feels or thinks before, during or after such a huge event, but I'm almost sure she loses a part of herself.. No matter how much she tries to convince herself it was right... she claims she doesn't believe in god... yea, sounds like another way to cope.. No god, no judgement, right? Oh wait, she's chinese so she's buddhist - they don't believe in god.. But I'm pretty sure their religion value life... no excuse.. Well if there is a god, which I do believe in, then that means my love won't meet me in the after life, right? That is sad.. Why couldn't I have met her first..why? She tells me she cried for about a whole week after that.. Because she killed her baby, or killed a part of herself.. If shes somewhat already dead inside, how is she 100% mine? I'm 110% hers... now she'll never forget that ex of hers.. She'll always wonder what if and what sucks is I will too... I hope love makes me stronger cuz I don't wanna dissapoint her.. But love is dissapointing me... Tweet