I really cleaned up my act with her and we dated til now.
We had ALOT of fun and did so many things I never thought I'd be
doing..all up until jealously reered it's ugly head and I just
lost it and the anger kinda just lingered for awhile,for like
the last two weeks and I just can't escape it.
I just get so jealous and am so afraid of loosing her to someone
else that I just totally flip out.I think I might really have lost
her this time because this is not the first time I became upset with
her..she is really sweet and nice but I don't think she can handle
or deal with me when I become upset..and rightfully so,she is so
young (21) and inexperienced and I am nearly 30(28).
It's just that it's so hard to try and communicate to her in a way
that registers 'why' I become so angry with her but it's like she
understands but she doesn't..even if I talk to her in a way that's
'simple'.It's like she doesn't understand the magnitude in which
she pisses me off at times.
I really do like her alot but what the heck is going on?
I am willing to work through things with her but she is like me,
when she is angry she is angry but then she just shuts me out
and I HATE that the most..at least talk to me.
Okay,be mad at me but DO NOT shut me out because that will just
anger me more..but then again I guess I DO deserve to be in the
dog house for being so mean to her at times.
I just wish I knew of a more constructive way to express my
real issues to her and release some of this anger I feel in a
more constructive way instead of just loosing it.
I don't yell at her or anything,I just act out alot and become
very assholish in general..she can tolerate it I guess but I just
keep pushing it until I reach her limit..just to get a reaction
out of her,if she get's mad I know it's because she cares..
if she didn't then it would'nt even effect her at all.
Not the best way to deal with things,I know.
I really want to make things work out between us but I am just
so lost in how to deal with certain things like this.Then there is
that lingering feeling of resentment afterwards and we are
both kinda on eggshells with one another..it sucks.
I really did change my ways so much with this girl and for the
better,my moods and my jealousy especially are such burdens though...