You've got a whole lot of company! EVERYONE is looking for true intimacy, and very few experience it. (And to be very clear... true intimacy is far more than just sex and emotion. You are correct that it is a lot more subtle.) The majority of people don't know what it is... they only know that it is missing. And as much as people say that they want real intimacy in their life... they are also afraid of having it because they fear the loss of 'self'.
It doesn't surprise me that you have 'issues with anger' and that you are the first to end your relationships. The root of this is fear and an attempt to maintain control. In that way you won't be the one rejected. Rejection triggers one of the greatest and most primal fears for all of us... the fear of abandonment.
You asked... "make it through but how you do that when one hasn't ever gotten over that issue?"
Here's a couple of questions for you...
How are you abandoning yourself? And how do you reject you?
Let me also say this... I do not discount the psychological and physical factors at play here. However, from my perspective... this is more of an energetic and spiritual issue. And by that... I am not talking about religion. Actually the root of the word 'psychology' is 'psyche'. And although most people associate psychology solely with the mind... 'psyche' is a Latin word that also refers to the invisible animating force... breath, life, spirit, and the soul.
[Edit: You are welcome to post more about this on my forum, if you'd like. I will also check back here to see if you have replied to this post. However, I have no interest in wading through any further hostile posts in this thread. They do not serve to help anyone or promote any sort of healing, and I will not subject myself to unwarranted aggression and pain.]