The worst thing about your outbursts is that you don't realize the destruction it causes to your relationships and the people you care about. That's why you need to do whatever it takes to keep things under control, especially in YOUR mind, heart and soul.
It's not that I have anything against you; I don't even know you. But I'm sure you ARE a loving person with a good heart. But no one will know that if the bio issues keep getting in the way.
I took the time to work this out with you because I did recognize someone in pain, and I DO care despite my confrontational stance with you.
But you have to know it's the condition you have, not your soul, and doing whatever you need to keep it under control will help you more than anything else right now. It's probably this condition that has made you a loner...but you can be "normal", with loving, supportive friends.
Are you on medication? And has it helped at all? I wish you all the luck in the world.