on day 23 i had another bowel movement. with a little help from my ozonated water.
today my boss called and left me a message "call me back. i need to talk to you." he had a tone of urgency which disquieted me. i wrote him a message back: "if you have any bad news for me i want to know about it after i have recovered. otherwise you're welcome to call me back." well, he hasn't.
today my head is racing. i don't know whether i'm doing the right thing. what am i waiting for? shouldn't i start refeeding myself? something tells me not to. am i doing the right thing with the ozonated water? maybe the appendix DID break already and the water is pushing feces into it? but now i'm gonna stick with it. i want to.
how long will it take to regain weight and look like a normal human being again? how long will it take until i can work again? i cannot allow myself to stay away from work for too long. and then - i'm still not sure that i'm cured. i still feel the appendix. when i sit in a certain position. when i drink too much water at once. when the computer leans for too long on that side. 24 days for christ's sake. alright, i'll do 26 and then to hell with everything. if i'll have to do surgery and that's what i will do. at least i tried otherwise.
i wish i could say: "to hell with everything. i'm gonna do what's most important now. concentrate on my recovery. everything else has to stand back. there will be solutions for everything. but one thing after another." and just chill. but today i can't. and i know i always do something stupid when i'm like that. i need to quiet down and relax.