My, oh my...yes, it can be quite a shock to see what comes out. Ever heard of Bach Flower Therapy? If not, do a search. Bach Flower remedies can help in many areas. I would suggest "Crab Apple" for starts. Heres a good book, "Bach Flower Therapy: Theory and Practice" by Mechthild Scheffer. You can probably check it out of the public library and see if it rings true for you. Hope this helps. Also, good for you in taking personal responsibility for your health! Keep up the good work!! Dont worry youll come around. Personally, I find each trip to the potty an adventure.