you need help- professional help. no one on this forum can give you the in depth treatment that you need on an individual basis. speaking AS SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN THERE, you cannot do this alone but reaching out here will not be enough.
please seek out a professional therapist, preferably one who specializes in food issues, you will begin to feel better soon. keep in mind, it can get worse before it gets better.
i wish i could help you not be afraid and in pain. thank you for reaching out to us, but please seek help.