I'm glad you came back into this thread to fill in the details.
As for the boy's father, you said:
He then stopped seeing his child and refused to pay his way with his child so she barred him from seeing the baby as he couldn't be asked to visit or support her.
Did she go to court to bar him from seeing the child? Even if she got a legal document barring him from visiting, he still is obliged to pay child support. So why isn't he doing that? Or did he legally renounce the child? If the child still has his father's name, she needs to go after him for child support.
As for her getting help, you say:
She reckons her reason for not getting help is she is afraid her baby will be taken away from her. Still the ultimatum stands.
She needs a reality check here. She is most likely to have the baby taken away from her if she DOES NOT get help. By getting help, she is showing that she is sincere about providing a good, stable home for her child.
As for why you stay, you said:
I'll admit that her looks does have a big reason I haven't left her.
and yes, another " perk " if you will, is she is 14 years younger than me. I realise that is very shallow to think I have a young woman on my arm, but it does appeal to me.
All the wrong reasons to stay. If you sit back and really think about it, you will see that looks aren't everything. I'm also sure that you are well aware that there are plenty of other good looking women out there who are also mentally stable and childless.
You also are aware, I'm sure, that looks fade after time. What happens when she ages and loses her looks? What you'll be left with is an emotionally unstable women who has made your life miserable. Will you still want her when her looks fade?
Plus, let's be honest here, as you both age, you being older will most likely be the one going into physical decline first. There comes a point in your life where decline excelerates. For example, when you're 60 and she's 46, this will be more apparent. Do you really think that she will stick around for that given her emotional instability?
Once again, move on. And, once again, before doing so, please be sure someone intervenes for the sake of the child.