I'm not sure what you are talking about agt. Are you exaggerrating/dramatizing your own spiritual importance/significance?
Are you such a significant spiritual figure that you made Jesus and the crucifixion never happen?
Do you mean that the great god agt19571 erased from history all that we have read about in scripture?.
Have a private relationship with Jesus (more intimate), He'll explain to you that you're very wrong about your "betrayal" (it's satan's lie).
Don't put Jesus on display with a public relationship.
"But when you pray,....".
Human beings have always been way 'off track' about God because we insist that He only be EXTERNAL to us instead of INTERNAL to us. Either which way, we don't own Him, He owns us.
He wants not only a PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP, but also a private/"secret" relationship.....and He doesn't like being put on display (do unto God as you would have others do unto you).
How is it that we have decided that it is logical to treat God differently than we want to be treated? (when you "go out" with Him, don't put Him on display).....LOVER!
The message of the cross made more clear is this....
One of the most non-existant teachings is that Jesus did not shed BLOOD ONLY on the cross. Even when there is some awareness, the significance is not understood/explained and it is simply 'brushed off' with rhetoric and rationalizations.
John 19:34 "there came out blood and water".
God's Spirit agrees with the "water and the blood" (1 John 5:8).
Ezekiel 36:26 "I will take out of your flesh the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh".
God's Spirit can only teach a "heart of flesh" that knows the sentiment of sorrow/love (tears of love...."living water", John 7:38 and 39).
The message of the cross is......
Revelation 7:16 (eating the bread of life is not enough)...
"They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more...".