I want more then anything to have you both be right. I know when I first got sick He did welcome me back almost 2 years ago. I persisted in doing it my way and then rebelled again after being set free of so many things. I left the situation finally and was recovering physically and then came back and went right back to sinning only now with the healingknowledge and then used false teachers to sin and hurt my flesh and mind and I literally stopped praying, wroshipping, going to churhc, I quoted all ths criptures out of context to justify myself and said God din't want to kill me. Then in stead of Peter's agony, i seemed to portray judas' regret and ever since that day I have lost the presence.....He was pursuing me and I asked Him defiantly why do you still love me. Beware of false teachers people. My body and mind are worse then ever and I can't hit rewind or reset. The prodigal son left once and came back not twice. Thank you guys even now I just justified what I DID EATING UNHEALTHY POISONS TO SATISFY urges and cravings that are doing damage to me and my condition. Thinking how in the past I would call His name and He would take the urges, now its mocking that I call His name and continue to willfully sin....ITS A NIGHTMARE.